MOVING

When my dear wonderful husband passed away and I found out I would have to move to a smaller apartment, panic and stress set in.  I thought I’d have to move in a month or two and I was soooo not ready to do that.

God intervened.  God provided.  In ways I’ve already outlined in previous blog posts.  The two months I thought it would be stretched to almost six months now. I am still emotionally totally unready to do this, but that doesn’t really matter.  The move is happening at the end of this week.

I have spent nearly six months crying out to God, pleading, seeking, asking, crying, stressed, anxious, unsure, crying, pleading, praying and …. repeat.  I don’t know about you, but I talk about my emotions with God.  I tell Him how I am feeling and what I am going through.  Of course I know He already knows all this.  But I guess I think a relationship with someone that has lasted over 30 years deserves honesty and transparency, and I don’t think He minds a bit that I unload on Him.

I trust God to take care of me.  God promises many many times in the Bible to take care of and look after orphans and widows.  He certainly has taken care of me long before I became a widow, and I don’t have any doubts that He will continue to do so.  But not knowing where you are going to live or how much it will cost is kind of like living under an anvil that you don’t know when will drop.  At least, for me it has been like that.

God knows I don’t want to move.  God knows all the many faceted reasons why I don’t want to move.  I thought I had help lined up, and it fell through and now I’m going to have to pay movers to move me.  I’ve moving to the apartment in the building across from me; 10 steps away.  And yet I have to pay movers to do that.  And yet, because of the discount the property management company has given me these past 5 months (which I have no doubt is the favor of God) I have money saved.  I will be carrying most of the things over myself since I’ll have a couple days off and can just do it myself.  So I will actually only spend $200, maybe $300 total for the move.  Which is cheap!

And so even though I am so emotional over this whole move process, I have no doubt at all that this whole thing is part of God’s plan for me.  You can’t seek God and talk to God and ask God to lead you and guide you and direct you without accepting and acknowledging when He is moving in your life, and directing it according to His will.  Do I really want God’s will for me?  Even if I know it will mean moving and all the things that will entail?  Yes.  You bet.  No doubt.  I absolutely do.  So I will cry over every box and cry myself to sleep every night, but I will haul those boxes and do the cleaning and fixing and putting away and arranging that needs to be done.  Because I have no doubt it is God’s will for me, and He always has in mind for me what is the very best and right.  If you remember, please pray for me this week.  I need all the prayer support I can get.