Archive for July 2014

Inefficacious   Leave a comment

I am in an inefficacious situation.  I have been for some time.  I have gone around and around, upside down and inside out, backwards and forwards, thinking of a way or ways to get out of or change my situation.

I have been unable to do so.  Can’t figure it out.  Nothing I think of will work.

I live in the San Francisco bay area, one of the most expensive places to live in the U.S.  When I moved here six years ago I knew the prices (everything, really) were going to be higher than what I was used to in Washington state.  I just didn’t figure on how much higher. My other miscalculation was that I didn’t realize that the salaries here would not be commensurate with the cost of living.  You would think salaries would match, wouldn’t you?  I mean – I’m not being unrealistic in my thinking that most salaries would be higher to meet the cost of living demands in the area, right?  Right?  Please tell me I am not crazy.

Everything thing here – every.single.thing. – is high.  And it keeps going up.  No end in sight – none.  Expensive.  No matter what you want to do – it is too much.  It is more than you expect.  It is more than what you paid last time.  Every.Thing.

Now normally – and by that I mean in my past life experiences – I could cut expenses, move to a smaller place, make sure I didn’t have any debt, move further away to save money, etc.  All the usual things you could think of.  Except, I am already doing all those things.  I pay less for a mortgage payment than I could ever hope to pay for rent on even a one bedroom apartment.  There just isn’t anything else I can cut or cut back on that would allow me enough money to pay rent.

And in order for my boyfriend and I to marry and live together I will have to leave the home I am sharing with family members and share a mortgage with, and rent somewhere.  Except that I cannot afford anything within a 40 minute commute of where I work.  If I don’t mind a 4 hour commute every single day – well, then!  I have lots of options.  Tons of options!  And I’d be dead in a week.  I cannot possibly handle a 4 hour commute every day.

In Psalm 84 it talks about going “from strength to strength”.  I have often found comfort in those words.  The Lord leads my steps.  God directs my path.  I may go through valleys, but always there is something to strengthen me along the way.  An oasis.  Rest.  Peace.  Strength.  The felt love or presence of the Lord.

And so it is now.  I am betwixt and between a rock and a hard place.  But I do not despair.  I do not stay discouraged.  No – my Lord sustains me. I move from strength to strength, seeking God always and asking for His will in my life.

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Posted July 30, 2014 by Maureen in Musings

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Defend Your Woman   Leave a comment

I was recently turned down for a job I applied for where I work.  It was almost exactly the same job I do now, but in a different area and of course for a different person.  I was 100% qualified for it.  The manager who was to be my boss had made it clear he would like to work with me.  And I didn’t get the job.

It was actually 2 ½ months between the time I had sent in my application until I actually heard I did not get the job, and I had gone through a full gamut of emotions over the process.  By the time I was told by the manager he had hired someone else, I was resigned to the fact that I would not get the job.

I dropped quick emails to a couple of family members who had been waiting to hear how it turned out, and also to my boyfriend.  And then I got back to work.

That night, when I talked with my boyfriend on the phone, it was the usual, “Hi Honey – how are you?”  I said I was fine, or something like that, and he said, “I’m doing terrible – and I don’t know why you aren’t either”.

At first I honestly didn’t know what he was talking about.  Then he started to tell me how angry he was for me that I didn’t get the job.  He wanted me to complain to the union.  He wanted me to leave the union.  He was upset and angry that I was being treated in a way he felt wasn’t right.  He wanted me to leave and go somewhere else.  He was fed up and frustrated – all on my account.

One of the things I have learned in having an atheist boyfriend is that his reactions and opinions are sometimes different from the way I think I should act.  Or do.  And this was one of those times.  His ideas on what I should do were not unrealistic or unreasonable – in fact they were well thought out and what many people would consider well within the bounds of what I was entitled to as an employee and union member.

But I am guided always by how I think my Savior would want me to say, or act, or think.  I did listen to all my boyfriend had to say.  I loved that he was that upset for me. But I did not want to follow his suggestions, and he was ok with that.  It was after all my choice and I was the one who would be most impacted by my actions.  So, after having his say, he left it to me to make the decision.

I am blessed to have someone who feels so strongly for me, and that cares about me so much and would not hesitate to stand up for me.

Posted July 17, 2014 by Maureen in Musings

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