Archive for November 2010

What about…..   Leave a comment

I haven’t posted in a while because this has been circling around in my brain, washing up against the walls, and circling around to the back again. 

I read things like the family in Philly who had 5 children that had no birth certificates, no immunization records, no school records.  For 10 years or so they lived in abandoned buildings with no water or electricity.  They were finally caught and the children are in foster care.  What about the children??

I think about the orphans I saw in Russia.  The mortality rate when they are mandated to leave the orphanages is very high.  Many have living relatives — they are not true orphans. Many will end up on the street, selling themselves, getting addicted to drugs and/or alcohol.  And I think: What about the children??

The child slave trade is alive and well in the world, I am immensely saddened to say.  Slaves, pornography — all with small children up to teens. No hope, futures forever scarred and ruined, childhoods gone.  Few searching for them, few helping them. Few places to turn for help.  And I think: What about the children??

I read about a pre-teen — say 11 years old — who has killed another pre-teen.  I read about a young teenager who was gang raped and many of her classmates did nothing but pass it on that someone was getting raped behind the school.  I read about teens who are passing on the abuse they themselves received from someone.  And I think: What about the children??

What can I do?  What should I do?  Can I make a difference?  The problems are so big — how can I do anything to help?  To fix it?  To make a difference?

I don’t have any answers.  I do know that God made each of those children and that He loves them. And He wants us to love them.  If you can’t make a difference to an orphan in Russia or a child slave in Thailand — make a difference in a child where you are.  Tell your children, your nieces, your nephews, your grandchildren, your great-grandchildren, your godchildren — that you love them.  Mean it.  Show them.  If only one life is changed — if better decisions are made – if only one child turns from drugs and/or alcohol or addictions because they know someone out there loves them and cares for them…………….. it is worth it.  Do it.  Don’t delay. Make a difference where you can, how you can. As often as you can.  And don’t stop praying for the children.

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Posted November 30, 2010 by Maureen in Uncategorized

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Pirate Cove   2 comments

Allow me to do a bit of fancy story-telling.

On the way to work part of the highway swings by the beach. At that part of the beach, the beach curves and part of the land sticks out. There are rocks there so when the tide is out the tide pools are cool to explore. 

Now that winter is coming, the morning commute is just starting to get the light, and we get more fog.  About half the mornings lately there is a light fog hanging over the cove where the land curves.  I always think of pirates when I see that.  I imagine the pirates coming ashore in a boat, with their tall ship standing off to shore.  It is quiet and of course there is no highway there.  Just scrub and brush, deer and maybe some skunks and birds. 

In the early light it is hard to see, but you can just make out the pirates pulling the boat up the sand, and hauling a big box out of the boat.  Shouldering their shovels and pick axes, four of them haul the bound box up past the high water mark, and begin to dig. 

*Shiver*  Can you picture it?  The cold morning air, the slowly brightening sky, the fine fog hanging over the cove and water, making everything fuzzy and indistinct.  Light sounds of the surf and perhaps an early bird.  The sound of shovels in sand, and the grunts of the men as they lower the box down into the hole.

Then I come to my senses and pay attention.  After all, I’m driving in traffic and should be watching the cars, instead of looking out over a misty cove in the cool morning.

Posted November 19, 2010 by Maureen in Musings, Stories

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A drop in the ocean   Leave a comment

Today was a totally beautiful day on the coast.  As I stood on the walkway, leaning over the rails, I watched the waves rolling in past the pier.  They would hit each of the cement pilings and build up, crashing, splashing, rolling until their final crash on the beach.  Just the tiniest breath of wind hit my face.  The sun was shining brightly in a cloudless sky, and the waves rolled on and on, crashing and splashing.

I looked at the waves and wondered: Did that water crash on some other beach?  Perhaps that water traveled from Hawaii, with its beautiful beaches, tropical trees, and volcanos.  Did that water happen to lap up on the beach in Negombo, Sri Lanka, where I was in 2007?  Did Sinhalese fishermen watch the water as it flowed on their beach, not knowing it would make a journey most of the world away, to crash at the feet of someone who had been on that same beach?

My fancy continued.  Was there a drop in those waves that had been high in the sky over the Andes?  And had slowly made its way back down the long trek to the ocean, to join other drops, to finally make its way to California, to crash at my feet on the beach this morning?

I seem like a drop in the ocean sometimes.  Just one little drop among so many others. Who notices where I go and what I see and who comes with me?  And where will this drop go next?  Where will that drop I saw this morning go next?  Maybe I will see it again.

Posted November 13, 2010 by Maureen in Musings

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Word Tennis, anyone? The Score: Love-Zero   Leave a comment

For those who have tried (or are doing) internet dating, you can probably relate to this.

I am on two free sites.  On one of the sites you can scroll through pictures/profiles and pick “Yes”, “No”, or “Maybe” if you would want to meet the person.  It is a really impersonal, totally judgemental way to decide as you can go through probably 5 profiles in 10 seconds, allowing you to make snap decisions and judgements on a person. 

If I am picked as a “Yes” from someone I get a message from this site saying, “__________ wants to meet you!” and I’m provided a link.  If I am also interested then I can message the person.

I have chosen “Yes” on a bunch of profiles, and there have been a few of those who have said “Yes” back to me.  On three of them I have sent emails.  And I got — nothin’.  Go figure.

Yesterday I was “Chosen!” by a man in New Jersey.  I checked his profile — not bad.  Nice picture.  I wrote a short note. He wrote back.  He thanked me for my note, and answered my question. That was it.  About three sentences.  Oookkaaayyyyy.  So, thinking to be polite, I wrote back.  I answered his comment and added some more, then asked another question (“Have you ever been to California?”). 

He wrote back, answering my question with some factual bits without adding anything.  That’s it.  AAARRRGGGG  How am I supposed to carry on a conversation with this man when he gives me nothing to go on?  If he’s not interested after all he just needs to not respond.  That’s the way nowadays.  Just stop talking to the person.  Has happened to me more times than I can count.

But if you do want to know me, if you do want to talk…… give me something to go on for crying out loud!  You say something, I say something back.  That’s word tennis.  It goes back and forth.  I sure would like it if the score were something besides Love-Zero.

Posted November 12, 2010 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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Old School   Leave a comment

I went to my old high school the other day.  It is now a continuation high school and the facilities are also used for other things.  I attended an all-day meeting there.

I hadn’t been inside the campus since I graduated in…… well, it was over 30 years ago.  It was good to be back. Things had changed, but things also hadn’t.  The lockers were gone, but the old pool area was there, with the ramps at one end.  The pools were empty.  The old rectangle where most everyone hung out at lunch was there.  Same trees?  Hard to tell, but they were not new trees.

The whole place looked a little bit worn and in need of some fix-up.  Hmmm…. reminds me of — ME.  I scratched an itch and went up to stand on the corner where the jocks always hung out.  How we used to hate walking by there, since they all stared at and checked out the girls.  Yet, we also liked it.  There was the part of the square where a guy I liked (A LOT) my year in high school used to hang out with his buddies.  And there was the part where “couples” used to sit.  The spot where my girlfriends and I used to sit. 

Same old, same old.  Am I the same old, same old Maureen that spent so many years (it seemed more than it was) in that place?  In some ways I am.  In others I am not.  And it is all good.  I would not want to go back to the girl I was.  I am happy with the woman I am.  Flaws and blemishes and mistakes as I am.  I am happier and more content in my own skin now than I was then. 

I don’t want to trade that, or go back.

Posted November 12, 2010 by Maureen in Memories

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Bitter? Party of One? Your table is ready   Leave a comment

I was accused of being bitter recently, and of not knowing all the facts.  Ironically, a few emails later, the same person did the same thing with a reply I made: showed bitterness and a lack of knowing all the facts.

It got me thinking: am I bitter?  I have been around bitter people and I do NOT like to be around them.  I avoid them.  There is also the stereotype of an older (read: middle-aged) lady becoming bitter as she gets older and is still not married.  I have never wanted to be that person.  I have never wanted to be so desperate and needy that I felt incomplete and unfulfilled without a husband.  That way leads to anger and bitterness and depression.  I never wanted that for myself.

So I thought I was keeping an eye out for that and was not going that route.  When he pretended to pity me because he thought I was bitter, it made me stop and think.  AM I bitter?  Was my reply bitter?

Ummmmmm.  No.  The fact is I am NOT bitter.  I don’t feel bitterness, even towards the man I just recently broke up with.  Anger at myself and even him, yes.  That will go away in time.  I don’t believe I am bitter.  I do have a harder time trusting, though.  I have met so very many liars and devious people in my life.  But bitter I am not.  I did think seriously about his words, but I know myself well enough to say: I am not bitter.  I am many other things, but not that. 

I’ll leave that table that is ready for someone else, thank you.

Posted November 9, 2010 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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A Year Ago   Leave a comment

What were you doing a year ago? 

I was working at a job that was very b-o-r-i-n-g.  I used to nod off at my desk daily.  There were multiple days every month where I would literally have nothing to do.  I read our Personnel and Procedures manual I don’t know how many times.  Filed everything within an inch of its life.  The company was Ok, the pay was barely Ok, and almost all of my co-workers were Ok.  It was just a very unchallenging, boring job.

The bloom had come off the rose on the man I had met online.  He had lied too many times — they were catching up with him.  His repeated assurances and promises were now hollow and I was feeling very used, angry, frustrated, and – yeah – angry.  At me, and at him.  It was once again “I thought he might be the ONE!” things, and it turned out he was a liar and very self-centered.  He was the one who contacted me again just recently and one of the things he said was “I’ll be with you soon and we can be married by Christmas.”  Which shows his arrogance and the fact that he was still a liar.  The nerve of some people.

I was still getting used to living in California.  Still picking up place names, finding where to hike and walk, checking out the different theater venues (I love going to small theaters) and also getting used to the weather. 

I was trying every which way I could, short of getting a second job, to figure out how I could buy Christmas gifts for everyone.  Didn’t make it.  I still had a really good time at Christmas – I just wasn’t able to buy anyone anything.

I was looking forward (well, no I wasn’t) to another New Year, which I would probably spend, once again, single.  I hadn’t yet gotten fully back on track with my spiritual life and prayer life, but I was working my way to it.  I had spent way too much time on the man I thought might be the ONE and not enough time with God and doing what He wanted me to do. 

And now, a year later?  A little older.  A little wiser.  Still single, with no prospects.  Still can’t afford Christmas gifts.  I do have a MUCH better job — thank GOD.  They’ll never get rid of me at this job – ha ha ha ha ha.  Our house remodel is done — thank GOD.  Except for the main bathroom and landscaping.  I’m still healthy — haven’t gained any more weight.  I am still seeking God and wanting His plan for me.  Not 100% sure what that will look like in California — I still don’t have a clear direction.  But I’m searching, spending time with Him and reading His word. 

What about you?  What were you doing a year ago?  The more things change, the more they stay the same.  And one thing I can always count on — God does not change.  Praise the name of the Lord.

Posted November 3, 2010 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian, Musings

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