Archive for May 2013

Escape Plan   Leave a comment

Here’s some advice for you singles: always have an escape plan.

Nothing you haven’t heard before, right?  Well you might think a middle-aged gal would have figured it out (or read it on the internet somewhere) but nnnooooo.  I did know about the phone call thing – where you have a friend call you 20 minutes or a half hour into your date, and you have a pre-arranged signal for “Yes, it is going ok” to “No I hate this please get me out of here”.

What I didn’t realize was that I needed to have an escape plan even after dating the same person a few times.  An example:  I met a man online and we connected via email and then phone.  We agreed to a date.  The date went fine – pizza and a movie.  He wasn’t terrific, he wasn’t terrible, he wasn’t handsome, but he wasn’t bad looking.  I was interested enough to get to know him better.  Apparently he felt the same way since he asked me out the next week.  Again, we had a pretty good time, got to know each other, and he was good company.  He wasn’t making my heart go pitter patter, but again I was interested enough to keep dating him.  We communicated during the week, and we had a third date that I thought also went well.

Up to this point he had not attempted to hold my hand, put his arm around me, or kiss me.  Which was ok – I didn’t mind that he was a gentleman and wasn’t pushy.  At the end of the third date as we talked next to my car before saying goodbye I stood a little bit closer to him than usual.  I was letting him know if he wanted to give me a kiss goodnight I wouldn’t object.  After 5-7 minutes of casual talk it was plain he wasn’t going to so I said goodnight, thanked him for the evening, got into my car and went home.

I wasn’t disappointed, I wasn’t upset.  I was happy to let the relationship proceed at a slow pace.  4-5 days later he contacted me and said he needed to talk to me about something important.  He didn’t want to do it on the phone – he said it was better said in person.  So we talked about possibly getting together, but after a week of hearing nothing further I was getting concerned, but also ticked off.  I mean, when I guy says that to you two things come into a lady’s mind: either he’s going to want a serious relationship, or he wants to break up.

I had a feeling that he was going to break up with me.  We finally arranged to meet at a pizza place, and he arrived late.  We ordered and as soon as the waitress left he told me what a great person I was and how enjoyable it was to spend time with me, and then he said, “But that’s IT!” and to emphasize the last word he held out his two hands in front of him, bowed his head slightly, then with both palms facing the table, he pulled them apart quickly while saying “IT”.

Nice, huh?  So there I was – sitting across from someone who just told me what a great person I was but that he wasn’t attracted to me and didn’t want to date anymore.  We had just ordered.  NOW WHAT?

My mistake was not having an escape plan.  I was 80% sure going into the lunch that he was going to break up with me.  Why didn’t I have an escape strategy?  UG!  I should have just said goodbye then and left, but darn it I was hungry and wanted the pizza we had just ordered.  So instead I stayed in my seat, had pizza, and then endured an awkward time when we both wanted to leave but didn’t know how to wrap it up and say goodbye.

It was a few years ago, but it still stings how he told me and showed me that he wasn’t attracted to me.  I wish he would have done it over an email, or over the phone.  It would have been far less hurtful.  I did learn my lesson, though:  Always Have An Escape Plan!

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Posted May 25, 2013 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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How To Be Remembered   1 comment

My good friend Anna Maria died on May 12th.  She had had cancer and the tumors and other stuff going on in her body were finally too much for her.  She died three days before she turned 80 years old.

I had been friends with Anna Maria for 30 years.  The 25+ year difference between our ages never made a difference in our friendship.  She was funny and gracious and intelligent and friendly and so easy to know and be friends with.

She had longed to be with Jesus and sit at his feet all her life.  I am so happy that she is no longer in any pain, and all her sorrows and sighings have faded.  But — I was not ready to let her go.  I will see her again, but in the meantime I have to live on this earth without her friendship.

Anna Maria was an example to me of someone who truly had a deep personal relationship with God.  Her prayer life was amazing, and the number of answered prayers were too many to count.  I can only hope to be half the good Christian woman she was.

Perhaps the best example of her relationship with God and how it shone out was an email all her friends got about 5 days after she passed.  Anna Maria came from a big family, most of whom are gone now, but one of her sisters in Florida had asked one her nephews to go visit Anna Maria.  She herself couldn’t make the trip, so since he lived nearby she asked him to visit.

He said he was surprised his aunt had a relative near him, he never had any idea there was family close by.  He went to Anna Maria about 5 weeks before she passed, expecting to find someone dying.  Instead he found a woman who welcomed him.  Someone who, while not real happy to be in an assisted living environment, nevertheless did not complain or talk about herself.  She was interested in him and his family and he was amazed by her graciousness.  He wanted to bring his wife and children to meet her as soon as possible.  He told us that Anna Maria was just as nice and polite to his wife and children, greeting and talking to each one.  She asked that each child play on the piano in the common room and bless everyone with their music.  He and his family enjoyed their visit so much and he said he thought God had brought Anna Maria into his life, even for a short period, because he needed the example of faith and gratitude.

I miss her still, and will always miss her.  When it comes time for me to go home and be with God I hope to be remembered half so well.   How do you think you will be remembered if God took you home to be with Him today?

 

Posted May 20, 2013 by Maureen in Christian, Memories

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