Archive for July 2011

The Impossible   3 comments

I am convinced I am seeking the impossible.  It has taken me a good three years to come to this conclusion.  No one can accuse me of being tack as a sharp.

What I seek is a man who believes in God, has faith, reads his Bible, and goes to church weekly.  He may fall, stumble, and not be perfect — but he strives to be.  He tries to follow God’s will for him and his life, and tries to be the best man he can and give glory to God in his life.  

I did not think that was asking too much.  I have seen lots of women who have husbands just like the man I described.  Sure, I’m old (52 is old, don’t you think?) but still I believed it was possible.  I have quite a lot to offer and give a husband, and I thought I could find someone who could see that and appreciate it.  I totally believed it was only a matter of time.

Nope.  Apparently not.  Most of the men — the vast majority of the ones I actually “meet” online (via email and/or IM) as well as those whose profiles I read or see on Craigslist  — fall into the “Spiritual but not Religious” crowd.  What?  You say you don’t know what SBNR is?  Well, allow me to educate you.

These are men (talkin’ about men here, though I’m sure women fall into this category also) who believe in God.  Have attended church in the past, have heard the Gospel message.  Perhaps they go to church on Christmas and Easter.  If their mother is alive and asks them to go with her.  They believe there is a God who created everything and sent his only son Jesus to earth as a man to die for our sins.  But they don’t see that it has to make a difference in their life.  They don’t think they need to go to church, even once in a while, let alone weekly.  They don’t crack open their Bible and would be hard pressed to name just three of the Ten Commandments.

SBNR men have faith and belief in the same God I do — but live their lives for themselves.  They do what they want, when they want, how they want without ever praying about it or considering how God would feel about it. 

This is not the kind of man I want to spend the rest of my remaining days with.  And  have been unable to find a true Christian man who is spiritually compatible with me.  I’ve met all kinds of men who are compatible on every other level — but not spiritually. 

I seek the impossible.  I’ll be freakin’ single the rest of my sorry, lonely life.   Man this sucks.

Posted July 16, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian, Musings

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Moon Poems   2 comments

Its July again.  Two years ago I was inspired by the full moon (as I often am) and wrote a poem and randomly posted it on Craigslist.  Not to solicit any responses —- I just wanted to share it.  One man wrote back a poem of his own as a response to my poem.  I returned with a poem response.  And for the next two days we wrote, in poem, back and forth to each other.  Whew!  Then we emailed and talked on the phone and exchanged pictures.  Alas!  He had recently ended a marriage and his emotional and financial toll from that were just too much for him to overcome – he didn’t feel he could get involved in a relationship.  That was 2 years ago, and I still think of him.  So Javier G., wherever you are, I hope you are healed and happy and have everything paid off.  These poems were amazing and I still think of you fondly.

My poem starts out:

Almost-full moon
Shining through the clouds
Big and bright, so close
Reflected in the smooth waves
Your light warms the early morning
So lovely
So enchanting
So romantic
Too bad I’m stuck in my car, commuting, alone

The moon is now past full,
and yet it’s beauty will persist.
It’s rays of light sneaking in at night,
to spy upon your sleeping form.
They very well may kiss you,
and make you stir while in your sleep.
A dream perhaps? A memory?

Moonlight through the window
Filtered by the trees
Moonlight to greet me
From the front steps
Standing in the moonlight
Fabric fluttering, feet cold
Was that you who kissed me?
Or was it the moonlight?

The glory and the honor were not mine,
of having placed my lips upon your body.
Mere mortals such as I only wish and dream,
of having such a privilege.
Twas the moon or a spirit of the night,
which has given you such pleasure

 Tossing, turning
Awakened in the dark
I heard a voice
A brush against my cheek
Moon lover
Moon kisser
The light you shine pierces my dreams
Dreams of mortals and dancing
Dreams of sighing and smiling
Contented, I curl alone in warmth

The voice you heard was but a dream,
of which you wish reality.
It made you move while in you sleep,
and yet you felt awakened.
In the morning you then smiled,
at the irony and the loneliness.

When will I sleep again
and meet my moon kisser,
my moon lover?
Will he come this night?
Or will the memories of
his voice and kisses be all
the comfort I will have
in my loneliness?
I sit gazing at the waning moon
and wonder

Just close your eyes and sleep my dear,
and he shall come when not expected.
You may not see or feel his presence,
but he shall be above you.
Looking down upon your beauty,
wishing so to reach and touch your face.

Now I shall sleep
with outstretched arms
waiting to hold my moon lover.
And open my eyes to see him gazing
I smile and beckon him nearer.
He fades away until I see
only moonlight on my ceiling
and just a whisper in my ear
of his voice calling “Beloved”.
I turn my face and go to sleep
and wait
for my moon kisser

Oh dear sweet Lady,
why entice me so?
To think your body so,
laying upon your lair,
has a passion so aroused in me.
I so wish to be the spirit,
stealing through the window.
With my breath, perhaps with lips,
I would your face caress.
and hope to not awaken thee.
For in your dream,
I would the perfect lover be.

Moon lover, moon kisser
your approach must be like moonlight
Slowly waxing
day by day growing
Until the night and all in it know no other
until the night knows only the moon, full and shining bright
To grow too bright
to chase away the darkness too quickly
is to burn out before time
losing the darkness
and everything in it
That waits for the moon
and the promises and kisses and touches
it brings

Should I be like the Moonlight?
Working in silence?
Or like the Sun?
Bringing nature’s music,
and pleasant memories?
O may I be bold enough to be both?
And spend the whole day watching you?

Posted July 3, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Poems

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