Archive for the ‘Christian’ Category

Hiding? Or Just Okay?   Leave a comment

I recently watched half of an hour-long TV show, waiting for the show I wanted to watch to come on.  I don’t remember the name of the show; I had never watched it before.  It took place in a hospital.  A older woman was brought in and it turned out her husband had died over a year prior, and at that time (it was a car crash, and she was in the car) she got paralyzed from the waist down.  But now she was starting to feel things in her legs again.

She was a woman of faith and believed that God was healing her, and that all glory and praise should go to Him for her getting feeling back in her legs.  The doctors told her, however, that there was no reason for her paralysis in the first place and that she always had the ability to walk.  Basically, her being paralyzed was her way of putting off dealing with the death of her husband.

And I wondered: Is that me?  This year especially I have been very busy at work, almost all the time.  It is tiring and stressful, but it has also felt like a God-send. It helps me get through each day, and helps take my mind off how much I miss my wonderful husband.

Am I in denial?  Will I wake up one day and feel different?  Have I been stuffing my feelings into the background and busying myself with other things so I don’t have to think about Randy’s death?

I think ….. not. I have already been through devastating loss, when my son was murdered in 2000.  I know about shock, and slowly going through the stages of grief. I know about coming to grips with my loss. I know about thinking of my loss and how it affects me and my life, and I know about facing it.

I don’t believe I am in denial about Randy’s death.  My tears are testament to the fact that I am not denying my feelings.   So, I keep going on.  Trying to be the light that God wants me to be.  Trying to find ways I can shine for Jesus.

I hope this season finds you shining out for God, and receiving blessings in return.

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Posted December 15, 2017 by Maureen in Christian, Musings

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What Are You Thankful For?   Leave a comment

Our church had a Thanksgiving eve service.  As is usual this time of year in the US, our Pastor asked us what we were thankful for this year.

And I thought about it, and then I almost started to cry.  Because the first thing that came to mind was: I am thankful I have made it almost all the way through the year.  I didn’t know if I could, in January.

I have struggled to have a life without my sweet husband Randy.  I have struggled with who I am in Christ.  What should I do?  How will God use me?  What should I be doing for God?  And how can I do all of that, and live my life, without my husband?

So yeah – I am thankful that for some reason God is not finished with me yet.  That somehow I can still make a difference, a contribution.  So I keep on.  Day to day, I keep on.  What are you thankful for this year?

Posted November 23, 2017 by Maureen in Christian, Musings, Uncategorized

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LEARNING   Leave a comment

I haven’t been feeling well recently.  Normally I am a very healthy person; I rarely get sick.  But I really did feel awful, off and on for months. Then in August I began to feel really bad.  Bad enough that I went to the doctor, which is rare for me.

Many, many tests and procedures later, I have been diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome.  I am not happy about this, but it is what it is.  In educating myself about this condition, I realized I have had it for a long time, and it didn’t just “pop up” as I first thought.

As a woman, it is pretty normal for me to just keep on.  Feel tired?  Feel lousy?  Just keep pushing!  Come on, don’t be a wimp!  There is work to be done!  I am used to being the one to do things, to get things done. I rely on God and myself, not others. If I don’t do it, it doesn’t get done.  Does this sound familiar?

My body had been telling me to take care of it, and I hadn’t been listening.  Or, I listened but didn’t do anything about it.  And, I really can’t do that anymore.  I don’t ever want to get a bad flare up like I had in August again.  So I am having to slow down some.  I am having to say “Yes” to myself sometimes instead of always “No”.  I need to be better at relaxing.

So, recently I took myself out to breakfast.  I went to a live play.  I booked a couple of days in a small cottage in a place I have never been before.  All those things cost money, but not a great deal of money.  I’ve changed the way I eat, and what I eat. And I’ve lost weight.

I’ve been praying that I can be a good steward of all God gives me. That includes this body.  At my age you would think I would have learned these things and have already been taking better care of my body.  But, again as a woman, I am much better at taking care of others than I am of myself.

Posted October 10, 2017 by Maureen in Christian, Musings, Uncategorized

DIRT / CLEAN   Leave a comment

I got my car washed last weekend.  My white car.  (her name is Shadowfax).  My white car that hasn’t been washed in months.  Yes, she was pretty dirty.

For the past week it is like I have a new view on life.  I can see!  My windows are clear!  Clean!  And my backup camera is showing such a clear, sharp picture now!

I truly had no idea 1) how dirty my windows had gotten or 2) how it had affected how I saw things outside the car.  I had grown used to the dirt.  I thought it was normal.  It was something I accepted and just kind of worked around or ignored.

Kind of like sin.  It seeps in.  It grows slowly.  We let a little in, and don’t confess it.  And more gets attracted to the first part.  And before we even know it, we are used to the way things are in sin.  They seem normal.  We can’t see how dirty we are, we just think everything is fine and pretty much the way things have always been.

Until we confess our sin(s) to God.  And we ask Him to cleanse us and free us.  And suddenly we can see how dirty we were.  We can see how clean we are now that the sin has been forgiven.

 

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”  James 5:16

Posted July 14, 2017 by Maureen in Christian, Randomness

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GOD CHUCKLED   Leave a comment

This past week we had another week of early morning prayer at the church I attend.  6:00am to 7:00am.

I did my usual thing — I wander.  It is hard for me to sit and pray, or kneel and pray. I need to stand, to walk around.  In circles, or up and down the aisles.  Its a kinetic thing, is the only explanation I can come up with for why I pray that way.

One day this week I was at the front of the church and I remembered to stop talking TO God and just stand and listen to what God might have to say to me.  But being me, I had to preface that with once again asking God to lead me and guide me according to His will, and to keep me in the path of His commands.  Then I said (this is all internal, you understand) what I usually say, “Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.”

And God said, “You’re doing a good job.  Keep it up.”  I am always taken aback when I get a word from God, and I feel Him talk to me.  It is an awesome feeling to have the God of the universe talk to you.  Being me, I started in again, “Oh – thank you God.  I love you so much.  Please let me know if there is anything I need to be doing, or not doing.”

And God chuckled.  And He told me He loved me, and once again told me I was doing a good job and to just keep on doing it.

I’m so glad God understands me and puts up with me, and can chuckle at my foolishness.

Posted July 8, 2017 by Maureen in Christian, Musings, Uncategorized

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What You Can   Leave a comment

There are so many things I don’t know how to do.  There are things I can’t do.  And sure, there are things I don’t want to do.  Currently it is vacuuming.  I have always believed that if there is something we see needs doing and we are able to do it, then we should.

When I was called to go on my first missions trip, it was a different experience for me.  I was sitting in the morning service, listening to the missionary.  I always love listening to missionaries talk about their mission field and the stories they have to tell.  As I was sitting there, I thought to myself, “I could do that.”  As the missionary talked on, I thought to myself, “I should do that.”  And by the time the missionary was done, I was saying to myself, “I will do that.”

What do you see needing to be done around you?  Can you do it?  Are you able?  Then do it, if you can.  Not for recognition or praise.  But because it needs doing.

Posted June 24, 2017 by Maureen in Christian, Randomness

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BLUES   Leave a comment

Have you ever attended a church camp or retreat, and the leader(s) warned you about the “let down” after you went home?  You get all pumped up and fired up and hopefully Holy Spirit-filled and inspired while away, and then you come back home and you don’t sustain that same feeling.

I get the Sunday blues.  So many years I’ve battled the Sunday blues.  When Randy was alive I didn’t have to worry – I had him as company and we often did something or talked after church.  Now that he’s gone, the Sunday Blues are back.

The whole afternoon and evening seem to stretch before me, without anything to keep me busy and take my mind away from how much I miss him and my grief.  I had forgotten to make plans, to make a list of things to do.  So I came home today and all I want to do is crawl back into bed.

I’m not going to.  I will continue to struggle the rest of today.  There is always something to do around the apartment.  I am blessed that I have a church that I can go to in freedom and be lifted up, spiritually, and taught and grow in my relationship with God.  Just, the blues are hard.

Posted May 28, 2017 by Maureen in Christian, Musings

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