These days I do a pretty good imitation of a happy, got-it-all-together kind of gal.
Trust me — it is all on the surface. I’m able to do my job and I do try to do the best job I can. I like my job and want to continue staying there, and it is interesting and busy so that helps. But so much of my life is a struggle to appear normal and to get the things done that need to be done. House cleaning. Laundry. Dish washing. Cooking.
Sometimes, like this weekend, I go through the struggles because I know I must and it will be better if I do, though no one knows how often I do my dishes or wash my clothes, my heavenly father seems. So I can spend hours painting or reading or embroidering, and that can pass the time in numbness and quiet and I can keep busy doing something creative at the same time.
I hope I will not always have to imitate. It is hard to see that right now, because my love, my sweet, my heart, is gone from my life. I miss my Randy every moment of every day. But I am ever reminded (and remind myself) that God is good, and God is faithful. Blessed be the name of the Lord. He is here, He knows, He understands, He hears, He sees.
