Archive for April 2011

My Alter-Ego   Leave a comment

I completed a dish towel recently, just for fun.  I had seen this lady in a package of iron-on transfers on a web site and just had to get her and sew her on something.  I may sew her on more than one thing. 

This is me.  In my head, when no one is looking, the way I wish men would see me.  This is me on so many levels.

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Overwhelmed   2 comments

I have been overwhelmed the past couple of weeks.  I had another unwanted advance (well, a few) from an old boyfriend.  One of my long-distant friends stopped contact with me, but thankfully it wasn’t anything too bad and we are talking again.

But what has overwhelmed me more than anything else is that a lot of people I know are hurting, and struggling.  They are out of work, they have had traumatic break-ups, they have serious health issues.  They have terrible family issues.  They have lost loved ones.  They are living paycheck to paycheck – just barely. 

It is so hard to see my friends and family go through this.  I can help very little.  I always feel inadequate.  I do what I can, but it never feels as if it is enough, or the right thing.  I don’t know what to say.  I pray for them, but I feel I should/could do more. 

All of it makes my petty little single lady troubles seem very, very insignificant.

Posted April 23, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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Husband? Or Dog?   1 comment

I really don’t like being single.  It was never my intention to be single most of my life.  I miss a lot of things about not being married.  I have also really missed having a dog in my life.  My little sister moved to Oregon and took her dogs with her, and no one else in the family has dogs.  I need my doggy fix! I have had a pet for the past 20+ years, but the last time I had a dog I was living with my parents. 

I have had such a hard time finding a suitable man who is husband material.  So the question is: should I keep looking, or get a dog?

A question I always have when making decisions is: Is this God’s will for me?  Will it honor God?  I want to stay on the path of God’s will for my life.  I don’t want to stray, and I don’t want to try to “help” God by doing something I think might be right but actually hinders His plan for me.  So while I would like a husband or a dog (both?  hmmmmm) I am still searching on what would keep me in God’s will. 

I am searching for both.  To hedge my bet?  Well, no.  I seach for both while praying about it and going slowly so that I can better discern God’s will.  If I wanted to be married I could have been a long time ago.  I wouldn’t have been happy or in God’s will, but I would have been married.  I could have had several dogs by now if I just wanted a dog.  But having a dog that does not get along with small children (my great-nephew is 3) or cats (there are 2 in the house) would only make my life miserable.

So…… the search continues.  Husband?  Or Dog?  Which will I find first?  I don’t even dare to think I might find one and then the other, or both together.  That would be just too wonderful to contemplate.

Posted April 11, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian

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Heartache to Stalker   Leave a comment

When does a heart-ache turn into stalking?  When does attempting to mend a broken relationship turn into unhealthy pursuit?

A friend had her fiance break up with her suddenly over a month ago.  She was floored and devastated.  She has been driving me crazy since with “But — I still LOOOVVVEEEE him!!!!!” and “Why??  Why did he do this?” and “What did I do WRONG?!?!?!”  I have tried to be supportive and compassionate and honest.  But since I’m not a person who spends a lot of time asking “WHY?!?” when bad things happen…. it has been a struggle not to slap her.

He got her kicked off the dating web site where they met by telling them she was a stalker (not true).  He changed all her passwords on her accounts (which she had given him since she has only a smart phone and not a computer.)  He has told everyone (well, about half a dozen) on said web site that she was a scammer who broke his heart.  He has already “found” someone else (though I suspect he is making it up).  He has called her names, brought up things they argued about months ago, accused her of cheating, and basically blamed her for every single little thing, as well as for “making” him feel this way or that way or the other way.

Through all of this I have had to listen to the “But – I still LOOOVVVEEEE him!!!!!” and other things.  This weekend she insisted on sending him an email, trying ONE_MORE_TIME to “get” him to talk about their relationship so it would all go back to the way it was.  He still has not responded to her.  Which of course makes her think he has closed that email account and never saw it in the first place and that is why he is not responding.

So I’m wondering: if she sends him a letter with the same things she said in the email — is that stalking?  Is that going too far? What is that line of going too far?  I know where I myself would draw the line at going too far.  Is the line different for each person and relationship?

We had a long talk this weekend and I pointed out inconsistencies (many) in his stories, as well as conflicting things she has told me about her feelings for him.  She told me later that she felt better and felt less of a heart-ache over the whole thing. 

The bottom line for me and any relationships (current and future) that I have:  Do not become so desperate and lonely that you say and/or do almost anything and everything to hold onto a gaunt, slow-talking southerner who was passive aggressive, a liar, insecure, that you weren’t attracted to, and had lots of red flags on even before the breakup.  No, not for me.  You have my permission to slap me if I ever do that.