Archive for the ‘Being Single’ Category

PROMISES TO KEEP   Leave a comment

I made a promise to myself years ago and I want help in keeping it.  After my divorce at 25 years old and all the many years since I have met and made friends with lots of single people.  Almost all of them have gotten married.  And the second they get married — and I really do mean it is immediately after — they stop being friends with me.  I just drop off the face of the earth as far as they are concerned.

Now of course I realize that people’s lives and priorities change when they get married.  I have never expected the same level of communication or activities with my friend once they got married.  But to just DROP me?  Not ever get another phone call or email from you?  What is that???  Why did I deserve to be treated like that?

This has happened to me over and over and…. well, I’ve lost count.  So I made a promise to myself.  That I would never, ever do that to someone.  I would never stop being friends with someone when I got married.  That I would make an effort to still see them and talk with them.

I want to keep that promise.  No one deserves to be dropped suddenly and without any good reason from a friendship.  It is a terrible way to treat someone, and I never ever want to do it.

Posted February 9, 2015 by Maureen in Being Single

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And God Bless Us, Every One   Leave a comment

I love Christmas time.  I like how it is colder and darker. I love the holiday lights, and shopping and wrapping.  The songs and movies.  The anticipation and preparation for celebrating the birth of Jesus.

Being single most of my adult life, I also hated the Christmas season.  How I wished I had a special someone to buy gifts for!  Who I could anticipate getting a special gift!  It was lonely.  It was dark and cold.  Everyone else seemed happy and no one seemed to notice I was alone.

I know someone who had a truly horribly 2013, a pretty good 2014, and is really looking forward to 2015.  I know someone who got hit by a car while biking, has already undergone two surgeries, and is struggling to find someone to take care of his dog while he is in the hospital for at least two more weeks.  I know someone who had many struggles this year, but her faith in God has never wavered.  I know someone who had a pretty darn good 2014, is in good health, and is looking forward to 2015 with anticipation and excitement.  I know someone who is having her first Christmas with her husband, as they got married earlier this year.

So many people, so many different situations.  So many emotions, so many different viewpoints and outlooks.

We can never know for sure what others are going through or what their internal life is.  God knows.  God hears, God sees, God cares.  If nothing else, my prayer is that all of you would hold onto that.  God loves you.  God came to earth as a man for you, and he died for you.  God is alive and waiting, oh waiting so patiently, for you to be by his side one day.

Peace and joy to you.

Posted December 24, 2014 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian

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Busy Time of Year   Leave a comment

I am getting over a cold.  I’m at the nagging cough/still blowing my nose stage.  Still just a bit “sick”, but recovering.  I am also super super busy at work.  I started a new job (same place, different position) in September and previously this had been one of my quiet times.  Nope – not anymore.  I am busier than a one-armed paper hanger.

But – I do have my Christmas shopping done.  (Please don’t hate me)  I had to get it done Thanksgiving weekend – I just didn’t have time otherwise.

Last weekend my sweetheart and I took a long-anticipated dinner out to a very expensive, Michelin-rated restaurant to celebrate out future life together.  I bought a dress and new shoes.  He had been there before (when he had a job making lots of money) but I had never been.  As each delicious plate or bowl was brought to us, we feasted slowly, savoring all the flavors and spices.  Then our main course was brought (a shared bone-in rib eye steak) and we went silent, savoring the seasoned meat that seemed to melt in our mouths.  I smiled, watching him, as he closed his eyes and chewed, enjoying every mouthful.

“Normally, I would say to someone, ‘Kill me now – I can die happy now that I’ve had this meal'”, my sweetheart said to me.  “But now I know that I won’t truly be happy until we are married.”

It was the perfect highlight to that evening.

Blessings on you as you go through this busy time.  Remember the joy.  Joy that did not depend on circumstances or personal situations.  Remember how heaven rejoiced at the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Posted December 10, 2014 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian, DIY

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Emotions   Leave a comment

My fiancé and I have been talking about our wedding, and all the things that go with that.  Interestingly, and unexpectedly for me, it has brought up emotions.  In both of us.

For myself, I’ve been divorced 30 years now, and I worked out my feelings towards and about my first marriage and my former husband a long time ago.  We are friends and are friendly and it was all in the past.  But – talking about plans has brought up things that happened, and the emotions along with the memories.  Things I haven’t thought about nor talked to anyone about in years.

For my fiancé, we are preparing to leave where we are each living with roommates so we can live someplace together.  That means sorting, packing, giving away, garage sales, etc.  And for him it has brought back memories and the emotions that go with them of being forced to downsize, and downsize again and again, after he got laid off and was unable to find work again.

Now of course with the wedding planning comes lots of good emotions, also. We are both in agreement with what we want and don’t want, and we can talk about it for hours – it is exciting and fun for us.

What about you?  What emotions have you been experiencing lately?

Posted December 1, 2014 by Maureen in Being Single, Memories

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A Milestone   Leave a comment

Know what this is?

Engagement Ring

That’s my engagement ring.  We picked it up this weekend.  It’s an Alexandrite stone with diamonds in a white gold setting.

I’ve been waiting 25+ years for this.  To say I was happy would be a gross understatement.

Posted November 4, 2014 by Maureen in Being Single, Randomness

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Fast, or Slow?   Leave a comment

How long does it take you to decide if a relationship is “right”?  When does that point come when you decide that that person is worth getting to know, worth spending time with?

Are you a fast decider, or slow?  And is one better than the other?

We’ve all heard of people falling in love at first sight.  Do you know anyone that happened to?  I don’t.  That doesn’t mean I think it can’t happen, though.  I’ve heard of people who do a lot of dating that can tell after the first date.  I’ve never had a first date that good — have you?

I know myself pretty well by now and I know that I either decide fast, or I take a long time.  Yes, I know that is contradictory.  I’m a woman, what can I say?  I have enough common sense and intelligence to take my time to make up my mind…. but I also have ADD.  Which can mean I am impulsive.  So sometimes I leap before I look.

In relationships…. I have done both.  I have decided fast, and I have decided slow.  And you know, both choices have not always worked out well for me.  Maybe everyone has their own speed, their own comfort zone for deciding on relationship matters.  What about you?  Are you fast, or slow?

 

Posted September 23, 2014 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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SOUL MATES   Leave a comment

If you are single, you have most likely heard the phrase “soul mate”.  Single matching sites mention it.  Your friends and family mention it.  You may have used the phrase yourself, talking about how all will be wonderful when you find your true soul mate.

How many people have you rejected, feeling they were not your soul mate?  Do you believe in one person being perfectly matched to one person, and that they should find each other and live the rest of their lives together??

I read an interesting article about soul mates, and it got me thinking.  Do I believe in soul mates?  Is my boyfriend my soul mate?

I remember being a little girl, 10 years old or so.  I wanted to get married, have kids, watch them grow up, and spend my life with my husband.  I never thought about divorce or being single for long.  My parents were committed to their marriage, despite their differences.  I wanted the same thing.

When I was old enough and started dating, I questioned my ideal of “one mate for every person” dream.  Was there really only one true match for each person?  No, I didn’t think so.  As I left my teens and got into my twenties, I grew and matured.  And the boys or young men I found attractive when I was 17 or 18…… no longer held the same attraction for me.  I realized I needed to be careful about whom I chose to spend a great deal of time with, and who I chose to open up to and share on many levels, including intimacy.

One of the things that broke apart my marriage was that I was expecting my husband to be my everything.  Entertainment, mentor, support, husband, friend, confidant, companion, lover.  And of course he failed.  No person could be expected to fulfill all those roles for one person.

The author of the blog I mentioned, Mary E. Graham, makes some striking statements.  Ideas that I have had and shared with friends for many years now.

“Soul mates aren’t real.…. is my husband, my best friend, my lover, my favorite person to talk to, my biggest cheerleader and my family.  But he does not complete me, fill me up or make my world.”

Exactly!  You don’t get married to have a perfect life.  How can you join two different, flawed, even messed up people, and expect perfection?  As one professor in college said (my paraphrase) “How can two dysfunctional people expect to have a functional relationship when they are married?”

Her blog goes on to talk about how she wants to share with her two little girls, when they are old enough to understand, that the only truly complete and fulfilling relationship we can have that meets all our needs and will always be wonderful and loving, is when we have a personal relationship with God.  And I agree with that – 100%!

My boyfriend is not my soul mate.  But he is my friend and cheerleader and a listening ear, a shoulder, and one of my most favorite people in the world.  Despite his flaws, and my flaws, we make a really good team together.

What about you?  Do you believe in soul mates?

Here is the link to the full blog article:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mary-e-graham/my-husband-is-not-my-soul-mate_b_5420557.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592

Posted June 10, 2014 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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