Archive for the ‘Being Single’ Category

Were We Dating?   Leave a comment

I haven’t posted a story from my old dating days in a while.  I have no desire to date at present, still being very much in love with my dear departed husband.  But this dating story is from at least 15 years ago, way before I met my wonderful Randy.

I had met Mitchell (not his real name) through a friend.  He was a friend of her boyfriend at the time.  My friend told me a bit about Mitchell, in retrospect I figured it was probably a way to get me interested in him.  Mitchell had been dating a girl for several months and apparently she had been pressuring him to have sex.  He wanted to take things slowly and date more, but the way I was told the story was she pressured him and so he gave in and had sex with her. And she promptly dumped him.  So, he was hurting and sad.

The first few times I met Mitchell were in group settings and it was all very casual and no pressure.  I talked with him but didn’t spend all my time with him, nor he with me.  He was not bad looking, and he seemed like a nice guy.  Had his own house and business.  He just didn’t do anything for me, really.  I didn’t get any red flags – I just wasn’t attracted to him.

At some point (the details are a bit fuzzy after all this time) he started calling me.  Now up to this point our interaction and contact had all been friendly and casual.  So when he started calling I really didn’t think much of it.  It would be pretty short conversations – maybe 7-10 minutes long. “How was your day?” kind of thing.  This went on for maybe a week or so.  Then one night on the phone he asked if he could stop by that Saturday night.  I thought, “Why not?”

He came by the apartment I was living in at the time, which was actually about 4 minutes from where he lived.  We sat in the living room on different pieces of furniture and he asked if there was anything on TV that we could watch.  The only thing I could find was an old Elvis movie, which we watched all the way through.  We barely talked the whole time and the movie was so…. bad.  Ug.  I’m not a big Elvis fan, and this was not a good movie.  When it was over I was thinking how I could ask him to leave and he got up and said goodnight, and as he was going out the door he said, “Next time, let’s talk some more.”  And I said, “Okay!” cheerfully while ushering him out the door, and it wasn’t until I closed the door that I thought, “Next time?  There’s going to be a next time?  Huh??”

Then I started thinking of our nightly conversations, and wondered if he was interested in me.  (I know, seems obvious now, looking back.  But honestly he was so casual about everything I didn’t know.)  The nightly short phone calls continued.  One night I got home a bit early and decided to call him first.  He was obviously surprised when he answered the phone and it was me.  So I went through the same routine he had been using – “How was your day?” kind of thing.  Near the end of the conversation, hesitantly, he asked me if I minded calling him.  I said, “No, not at all.  Sometimes I call my friends, sometimes my friends call me.”  He kind of stuttered at that, and we said good night.

We met two more times for activities together, and at neither of those times did I have the slightest clue (from his body language or words) that he was interested in me other than just a casual friend.  He had multiple opportunities to hold my hand, put his arm on my shoulders, say something affectionate to me, etc.  He gave me no indication he was physically attracted to me.  It was like dating my brother.

Later, as months passed and I thought about that time, I think I figured out what was going on.  I also had one or two conversations with my girlfriend about all this that filled in some clues.  I think that, because of the abrupt breakup he had experienced with the other lady, and thinking he had gone too far too fast, he wanted to pull back and take his time with the next girl he was interested in.  He wanted to make sure he didn’t jump into anything too fast.  The problem was, in the end, he went so slowly and carefully I truly didn’t realize he thought we were dating.

I thought back over our months of … interactions?  Friendship?  Communication?  Whatever you want to call it.  I thought about it and wondered if I had done or said anything wrong, and wondered if I could have done something differently.  I should have talked with him about it.  I should have been upfront with him that while I liked him as a person and he was fine as a friend, I wasn’t romantically interested in him.  Lesson learned!  But that is the story of how I dated someone without knowing, really, until afterwards, that we were dating.

Posted July 27, 2017 by Maureen in Being Single, Memories, Musings

Tagged with ,

PROMISES TO KEEP   Leave a comment

I made a promise to myself years ago and I want help in keeping it.  After my divorce at 25 years old and all the many years since I have met and made friends with lots of single people.  Almost all of them have gotten married.  And the second they get married — and I really do mean it is immediately after — they stop being friends with me.  I just drop off the face of the earth as far as they are concerned.

Now of course I realize that people’s lives and priorities change when they get married.  I have never expected the same level of communication or activities with my friend once they got married.  But to just DROP me?  Not ever get another phone call or email from you?  What is that???  Why did I deserve to be treated like that?

This has happened to me over and over and…. well, I’ve lost count.  So I made a promise to myself.  That I would never, ever do that to someone.  I would never stop being friends with someone when I got married.  That I would make an effort to still see them and talk with them.

I want to keep that promise.  No one deserves to be dropped suddenly and without any good reason from a friendship.  It is a terrible way to treat someone, and I never ever want to do it.

Posted February 9, 2015 by Maureen in Being Single

Tagged with , , ,

And God Bless Us, Every One   Leave a comment

I love Christmas time.  I like how it is colder and darker. I love the holiday lights, and shopping and wrapping.  The songs and movies.  The anticipation and preparation for celebrating the birth of Jesus.

Being single most of my adult life, I also hated the Christmas season.  How I wished I had a special someone to buy gifts for!  Who I could anticipate getting a special gift!  It was lonely.  It was dark and cold.  Everyone else seemed happy and no one seemed to notice I was alone.

I know someone who had a truly horribly 2013, a pretty good 2014, and is really looking forward to 2015.  I know someone who got hit by a car while biking, has already undergone two surgeries, and is struggling to find someone to take care of his dog while he is in the hospital for at least two more weeks.  I know someone who had many struggles this year, but her faith in God has never wavered.  I know someone who had a pretty darn good 2014, is in good health, and is looking forward to 2015 with anticipation and excitement.  I know someone who is having her first Christmas with her husband, as they got married earlier this year.

So many people, so many different situations.  So many emotions, so many different viewpoints and outlooks.

We can never know for sure what others are going through or what their internal life is.  God knows.  God hears, God sees, God cares.  If nothing else, my prayer is that all of you would hold onto that.  God loves you.  God came to earth as a man for you, and he died for you.  God is alive and waiting, oh waiting so patiently, for you to be by his side one day.

Peace and joy to you.

Posted December 24, 2014 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian

Tagged with , ,

Busy Time of Year   Leave a comment

I am getting over a cold.  I’m at the nagging cough/still blowing my nose stage.  Still just a bit “sick”, but recovering.  I am also super super busy at work.  I started a new job (same place, different position) in September and previously this had been one of my quiet times.  Nope – not anymore.  I am busier than a one-armed paper hanger.

But – I do have my Christmas shopping done.  (Please don’t hate me)  I had to get it done Thanksgiving weekend – I just didn’t have time otherwise.

Last weekend my sweetheart and I took a long-anticipated dinner out to a very expensive, Michelin-rated restaurant to celebrate out future life together.  I bought a dress and new shoes.  He had been there before (when he had a job making lots of money) but I had never been.  As each delicious plate or bowl was brought to us, we feasted slowly, savoring all the flavors and spices.  Then our main course was brought (a shared bone-in rib eye steak) and we went silent, savoring the seasoned meat that seemed to melt in our mouths.  I smiled, watching him, as he closed his eyes and chewed, enjoying every mouthful.

“Normally, I would say to someone, ‘Kill me now – I can die happy now that I’ve had this meal'”, my sweetheart said to me.  “But now I know that I won’t truly be happy until we are married.”

It was the perfect highlight to that evening.

Blessings on you as you go through this busy time.  Remember the joy.  Joy that did not depend on circumstances or personal situations.  Remember how heaven rejoiced at the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Posted December 10, 2014 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian, DIY

Tagged with , ,

Emotions   Leave a comment

My fiancé and I have been talking about our wedding, and all the things that go with that.  Interestingly, and unexpectedly for me, it has brought up emotions.  In both of us.

For myself, I’ve been divorced 30 years now, and I worked out my feelings towards and about my first marriage and my former husband a long time ago.  We are friends and are friendly and it was all in the past.  But – talking about plans has brought up things that happened, and the emotions along with the memories.  Things I haven’t thought about nor talked to anyone about in years.

For my fiancé, we are preparing to leave where we are each living with roommates so we can live someplace together.  That means sorting, packing, giving away, garage sales, etc.  And for him it has brought back memories and the emotions that go with them of being forced to downsize, and downsize again and again, after he got laid off and was unable to find work again.

Now of course with the wedding planning comes lots of good emotions, also. We are both in agreement with what we want and don’t want, and we can talk about it for hours – it is exciting and fun for us.

What about you?  What emotions have you been experiencing lately?

Posted December 1, 2014 by Maureen in Being Single, Memories

Tagged with , ,

A Milestone   Leave a comment

Know what this is?

Engagement Ring

That’s my engagement ring.  We picked it up this weekend.  It’s an Alexandrite stone with diamonds in a white gold setting.

I’ve been waiting 25+ years for this.  To say I was happy would be a gross understatement.

Posted November 4, 2014 by Maureen in Being Single, Randomness

Tagged with , ,

Fast, or Slow?   Leave a comment

How long does it take you to decide if a relationship is “right”?  When does that point come when you decide that that person is worth getting to know, worth spending time with?

Are you a fast decider, or slow?  And is one better than the other?

We’ve all heard of people falling in love at first sight.  Do you know anyone that happened to?  I don’t.  That doesn’t mean I think it can’t happen, though.  I’ve heard of people who do a lot of dating that can tell after the first date.  I’ve never had a first date that good — have you?

I know myself pretty well by now and I know that I either decide fast, or I take a long time.  Yes, I know that is contradictory.  I’m a woman, what can I say?  I have enough common sense and intelligence to take my time to make up my mind…. but I also have ADD.  Which can mean I am impulsive.  So sometimes I leap before I look.

In relationships…. I have done both.  I have decided fast, and I have decided slow.  And you know, both choices have not always worked out well for me.  Maybe everyone has their own speed, their own comfort zone for deciding on relationship matters.  What about you?  Are you fast, or slow?

 

Posted September 23, 2014 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

Tagged with , ,