Archive for the ‘Being Single’ Category

SF Dude Dating Story   Leave a comment

I have been writing a lot lately.  Not on this blog (obviously).  I’ve been writing a book.  Actually, the story I wanted to tell turned out to be so long it ended up being two books.  It was a very gratifying, fun process to go through.  I truly loved every minute of it.  I have no idea what (if anything) I will be doing with my two books.  I’m still waiting on God to lead me.  In the meantime, I have started on the next one.  I am just having so much fun writing Christian romances!

But today I wanted to share another dating of my stories with you.  This one took place last year, when I went through a brief time where I thought I’d try internet dating again.  It is super hard to find a true Christian man, on an internet dating site, that lives in my general area.  But on this particular site I met a man who said he lived in San Francisco.  Let’s call him Bob (not his real name).  According to what he said, he lived about 30 minutes from me, which is terrific.  We exchanged some emails and then, as is usual, our personal phone numbers.

I was getting some mixed signals from him and I wasn’t sure about him. But, I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt, since that is how I like to be treated.  And I hadn’t gotten a clear answer from God about him, so I continued to casually talk to him.  My more-recent strategy when I meet men is to talk about God.  Keep the focus on God, on my faith, my church, reading the Bible, etc.  A true Christian man will not mind this.  Someone who is not a true Christian might parrot some things back to me, but they will not be able to hide the fact they are not true Christians for long.

At one point we agreed via email that I would call him when I got home one night.  I was still feeling pretty unsure about him.  It was about 6:15pm or so when my phone rang.  It was Bob.  He wanted to know (well, it was more of a demand) why I hadn’t called him yet?  Hadn’t we agreed that I would call him?  He’d been waiting for my call.  I was taken aback.  I told him I did remember I was going to call him, but it was 6:15pm and I had only gotten home about 7 minutes prior to that.  After that he calmed down.  It was during that conversation that he told me he does not go to church every Sunday.  He “likes to sleep in”, and so he doesn’t go every Sunday.

If you are a true Christian man, you go to church every Sunday.  That fact, combined with a bunch of other little clues, started me drawing back from Bob.  Another red flag for me was that, at this point we had been emailing for a week.  At no time during that time did he ever once offer to meet me or pick me up so we could meet in person.  If you only live 30 minutes away from someone, generally you want to meet them right away.  He didn’t make excuses about it – he just didn’t offer to meet me.

The next day he seemed to kick his anxiety and hovering into high gear.  I got a phone call at 11:30pm, which I did not answer.  The next day he wanted to know why I didn’t answer.  He wanted to hear my voice before he went to bed, he told me.  I told him I go to bed before 10:00pm and his call woke me up.  I got text after text from him during the day.  He wanted me to go on Google Hangouts so we could instant message during the day.  I told him our network at work wouldn’t allow that, and that I couldn’t do it even if I could, since I was, you know, working.  The next day the text messages were just as bad. I asked him to stop since I was at work, and he just kept asking me to instant message him.

So I sent Bob a text message, telling him that because he didn’t go to church every Sunday like I did, I did not think we were compatible.  I thanked him for his time and wished him good luck on his continued search.  He was surprised and started to argue with me.  I blocked him on my phone and email.  I couldn’t block him, per se, on the dating web site.  He left me a hateful message there, so I deleted my account.

I don’t normally break off with someone via text messaging, nor do I recommend it.  In his particular case, he was showing no respect for my boundaries or feelings, and I had no qualms about doing it.  I hope he can find someone, but for me – it is just me and God. Unless or until He sends a true Godly man to me, if that is God’s will for me.

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Posted June 3, 2019 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian

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Both to Blame   Leave a comment

Here is another story from my dating days.  I was recalling recently a small thing that happened about 7 years ago.  The church I was attending was having a missions dinner.  We were going to have several missionaries and a guest speaker.  It was going to be a dinner and an auction, and I signed up as a helper.  I love missions dinners, and I was looking forward to this one.  You never knew where you might meet someone, right?  And what better place to meet them than at church!

So there was lots of planning and setup, and then the guests started to arrive.  Of course there were lots of people I knew, but some I didn’t know.  There were people arriving and groups would form and then dissolve and new groups would form, while people greeted and met people.

I was standing in a group of men I knew and there was a man I hadn’t met in the group.  He was good looking and he looked to be around my age. so I smiled big and greeted him to the dinner.  I don’t remember exactly what was said, but his reaction caught me totally by surprise.  He said something along the lines of, “I’ll be sitting at a table with others from my church,” which he said to the group of us, looking around, and then looked straight at me and said, “With my WIFE.”  He said the last very forcefully, and loudly.

I was embarrassed.  Embarrassed that I had been that obvious in my interest in him, and embarrassed that he was reacting so strongly to my 3 seconds of interest.  Everyone in the group got a little uncomfortable, and he just kept staring at me intensely.  I excused myself and found some little jobs to do.

I happened to be sitting at a table way across the room from the table he was sitting at.  That wasn’t planned, it just happened that way.  Since I was a helper, there were times during the night I would get up and move around the room.  Every time I did I could feel his intense gaze on me.  It wasn’t a glare, but it was defensive.  It creeped me out a little.  Did he really think I was going to make a move on him or something?   That he was so irresistible that I would go over and flirt with him, with his wife right there?  At church?!  I kept my eyes away from that part of the room.

The evening was fun, the food was good, and the auction was also fun.  One of the things we auctioned off were the centerpieces at each table.  At the end of the auction, the volunteers went around and gathered up the centerpieces.  It happened that I ended up on the side of the room where he was sitting. He kept an eagle eye on me while I was walking around.  He didn’t look at anyone else, he didn’t watch anyone else, he kept his eyes on me.  “Honestly!” I thought.  “Just how big is his ego?”  I went to his table and he leaned over and put his arm around his wife, still not taking his eyes off me.

Without making eye contact with anyone at the table I picked up the centerpiece on the table. He kept leaning to the side with his arm around his wife’s shoulders, watching me.  I walked away and then stayed away from that side of the room during what was left of the night.

So yes – it was quite the ego on him to think I would pursue him after he had clearly told me he had a wife.  And yes – I obviously came on too strong when I said hello to him; I made my interest too well known.  We were both to blame.

Posted March 30, 2019 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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DEEP THINGS   Leave a comment

I haven’t written on here in a long time.  I’ve been going through some deep things over the past months of this year.  I feel God has been working on me, in me, through me.  I ask every day for His will to be done in my life and you can’t pray a prayer like that without things happening.  I’ve been under spiritual attack pretty regularly, and while that gets tiresome it also tells me I’m doing the right thing(s).

I put a profile on a dating web site.  After praying about it for a few months, I took the plunge.  Ug.  Yep, it was pretty much not a good experience.  As a lady in her late 50’s I had no trouble attracting men, but they were not men I was interested in.  For one thing, I am not looking for someone in their 30’s.  And someone who lives across the country from me is really not a practical option.  Even when I put it plainly on my profile, I still got lots of interest from people on the east coast.  Sigh.  I connected with a few men, but none of them stood up to scrutiny, and by that I mean they all turned out to not be Godly men.  And I am looking for a Godly man.

Well, actually, I’m not looking.  I’m praying about it, but I am done with dating web sites for now at least.  Our Pastor’s wife says often: (I’m paraphrasing her)  If you want a different outcome, you need to do something different.  So I am not doing the web site thing and instead I’m searching for wisdom.

My health is much better this year than last year, Praise God for that.  I’ve been able to do craft things I like and enjoy.  My family is doing well, and the job is going great.  For all that and more I give Praise and Glory and Honor to God.

 

Posted August 28, 2018 by Maureen in Being Single, Randomness

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RESURRECTION   Leave a comment

I heard a Christian song recently, and part of the chorus went like this:

“The resurrected King is resurrecting me”

That is what I have been feeling lately.  I feel, almost, ready to perhaps start dating again.  Which is quite a revelation for me and I am still surprised by it.

The reason I’m feeling a bit like a resurrected being is that, for the first time in my life, I am living alone and I will perhaps be starting to date.  I’ll be 59 years old pretty soon, so you would think I would have experienced this already.  But no.  I had my son to raise that was living with me most of the time, up until his death.  Right after that, I spent 7 1/2 years being single and living alone, it was true, but I was not looking to date.  I was working full time, going to school part-time (and sometimes full time) and volunteering at my church.  I didn’t have time to see my girlfriends, let alone date anyone.

Then a few months after I graduated, I moved into my sister’s house.  My sister who really wasn’t happy with me dating.  Sharing a house with 3 others made it awkward to have a date over.  The other reason I feel resurrected is that, also for the first time in my life, if I date again I will be only looking for a true Godly man for a husband.  I’ve been a born-again Christian for over 30 years, but remember for most of that I was either 1) a mom or 2) not looking and not dating.  I realized I had no idea what dating a true Godly man was like.  I can’t say I have ever had a date with a true Godly man – ever – in my life.  I have no prior experience to guide me.

What a strange place to find myself in at my age!  I am moving very slowly and cautiously on this, with a lot of prayer and thought.

Posted March 12, 2018 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian

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Were We Dating?   Leave a comment

I haven’t posted a story from my old dating days in a while.  I have no desire to date at present, still being very much in love with my dear departed husband.  But this dating story is from at least 15 years ago, way before I met my wonderful Randy.

I had met Mitchell (not his real name) through a friend.  He was a friend of her boyfriend at the time.  My friend told me a bit about Mitchell, in retrospect I figured it was probably a way to get me interested in him.  Mitchell had been dating a girl for several months and apparently she had been pressuring him to have sex.  He wanted to take things slowly and date more, but the way I was told the story was she pressured him and so he gave in and had sex with her. And she promptly dumped him.  So, he was hurting and sad.

The first few times I met Mitchell were in group settings and it was all very casual and no pressure.  I talked with him but didn’t spend all my time with him, nor he with me.  He was not bad looking, and he seemed like a nice guy.  Had his own house and business.  He just didn’t do anything for me, really.  I didn’t get any red flags – I just wasn’t attracted to him.

At some point (the details are a bit fuzzy after all this time) he started calling me.  Now up to this point our interaction and contact had all been friendly and casual.  So when he started calling I really didn’t think much of it.  It would be pretty short conversations – maybe 7-10 minutes long. “How was your day?” kind of thing.  This went on for maybe a week or so.  Then one night on the phone he asked if he could stop by that Saturday night.  I thought, “Why not?”

He came by the apartment I was living in at the time, which was actually about 4 minutes from where he lived.  We sat in the living room on different pieces of furniture and he asked if there was anything on TV that we could watch.  The only thing I could find was an old Elvis movie, which we watched all the way through.  We barely talked the whole time and the movie was so…. bad.  Ug.  I’m not a big Elvis fan, and this was not a good movie.  When it was over I was thinking how I could ask him to leave and he got up and said goodnight, and as he was going out the door he said, “Next time, let’s talk some more.”  And I said, “Okay!” cheerfully while ushering him out the door, and it wasn’t until I closed the door that I thought, “Next time?  There’s going to be a next time?  Huh??”

Then I started thinking of our nightly conversations, and wondered if he was interested in me.  (I know, seems obvious now, looking back.  But honestly he was so casual about everything I didn’t know.)  The nightly short phone calls continued.  One night I got home a bit early and decided to call him first.  He was obviously surprised when he answered the phone and it was me.  So I went through the same routine he had been using – “How was your day?” kind of thing.  Near the end of the conversation, hesitantly, he asked me if I minded calling him.  I said, “No, not at all.  Sometimes I call my friends, sometimes my friends call me.”  He kind of stuttered at that, and we said good night.

We met two more times for activities together, and at neither of those times did I have the slightest clue (from his body language or words) that he was interested in me other than just a casual friend.  He had multiple opportunities to hold my hand, put his arm on my shoulders, say something affectionate to me, etc.  He gave me no indication he was physically attracted to me.  It was like dating my brother.

Later, as months passed and I thought about that time, I think I figured out what was going on.  I also had one or two conversations with my girlfriend about all this that filled in some clues.  I think that, because of the abrupt breakup he had experienced with the other lady, and thinking he had gone too far too fast, he wanted to pull back and take his time with the next girl he was interested in.  He wanted to make sure he didn’t jump into anything too fast.  The problem was, in the end, he went so slowly and carefully I truly didn’t realize he thought we were dating.

I thought back over our months of … interactions?  Friendship?  Communication?  Whatever you want to call it.  I thought about it and wondered if I had done or said anything wrong, and wondered if I could have done something differently.  I should have talked with him about it.  I should have been upfront with him that while I liked him as a person and he was fine as a friend, I wasn’t romantically interested in him.  Lesson learned!  But that is the story of how I dated someone without knowing, really, until afterwards, that we were dating.

Posted July 27, 2017 by Maureen in Being Single, Memories, Musings

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PROMISES TO KEEP   Leave a comment

I made a promise to myself years ago and I want help in keeping it.  After my divorce at 25 years old and all the many years since I have met and made friends with lots of single people.  Almost all of them have gotten married.  And the second they get married — and I really do mean it is immediately after — they stop being friends with me.  I just drop off the face of the earth as far as they are concerned.

Now of course I realize that people’s lives and priorities change when they get married.  I have never expected the same level of communication or activities with my friend once they got married.  But to just DROP me?  Not ever get another phone call or email from you?  What is that???  Why did I deserve to be treated like that?

This has happened to me over and over and…. well, I’ve lost count.  So I made a promise to myself.  That I would never, ever do that to someone.  I would never stop being friends with someone when I got married.  That I would make an effort to still see them and talk with them.

I want to keep that promise.  No one deserves to be dropped suddenly and without any good reason from a friendship.  It is a terrible way to treat someone, and I never ever want to do it.

Posted February 9, 2015 by Maureen in Being Single

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And God Bless Us, Every One   Leave a comment

I love Christmas time.  I like how it is colder and darker. I love the holiday lights, and shopping and wrapping.  The songs and movies.  The anticipation and preparation for celebrating the birth of Jesus.

Being single most of my adult life, I also hated the Christmas season.  How I wished I had a special someone to buy gifts for!  Who I could anticipate getting a special gift!  It was lonely.  It was dark and cold.  Everyone else seemed happy and no one seemed to notice I was alone.

I know someone who had a truly horribly 2013, a pretty good 2014, and is really looking forward to 2015.  I know someone who got hit by a car while biking, has already undergone two surgeries, and is struggling to find someone to take care of his dog while he is in the hospital for at least two more weeks.  I know someone who had many struggles this year, but her faith in God has never wavered.  I know someone who had a pretty darn good 2014, is in good health, and is looking forward to 2015 with anticipation and excitement.  I know someone who is having her first Christmas with her husband, as they got married earlier this year.

So many people, so many different situations.  So many emotions, so many different viewpoints and outlooks.

We can never know for sure what others are going through or what their internal life is.  God knows.  God hears, God sees, God cares.  If nothing else, my prayer is that all of you would hold onto that.  God loves you.  God came to earth as a man for you, and he died for you.  God is alive and waiting, oh waiting so patiently, for you to be by his side one day.

Peace and joy to you.

Posted December 24, 2014 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian

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