Archive for October 2014

The Club No One Wants to Join   Leave a comment

I have another blog entry to post, but this one has been rattling around in my back brain for a few weeks, so I’m going to post this one first.  I read an article online recently that struck several cords with me.  It was written by a woman who is a member of a club you never, ever want to be a member of.  The Murdered Child’s Club.

My 18 year old only son John was murdered in September of 2000.  So many of the things the writer of the article said really resonated with me.

In the club, you talk about things such as:
Do I move or do I stay?
What do I do with his things?  Do I keep them, give them away, throw them away?

In the club, you discuss with other members such things as:
Did they catch the person(s)?
Did you attend the trial?
How do you deal with anger?  Forgiveness?

In the club, you ask other members things such as:
How do you handle friends that no longer want to talk to you?
How do you talk about your son when your family no longer even mentions his name?
What do you say to people who ask you if you have any children?

In the club, you talk about such things as:
Your Before life and your After life

In the club, you talk about things such as:
What do I do every year on the anniversary of his death?
What do I do on his birthday?
How do I get through Mother’s Day?

There are no dues to pay and no meetings to attend.  There is no fundraising, no t-shirts, no conventions.  There is pain, hurt, anger, bewilderment and never-ending loss.  No one wants to talk about it; no one wants to hear about it.  No one knows what to say or how to act around you.

It does get better as more time goes on and the actual event starts receding into the past.  But it never, ever goes away.  And you never, ever get over it.  I will say this, though.  Immediately after it happened God flooded my heart with forgiveness.  I have never had to deal with the anger that other members of this club carry with them, including my former husband.  I was able to tell the two young men responsible that I forgave them.  I thank and praise God for that.

Perhaps I will write more on this subject another time.  I’m not looking for sympathy or attention.  I am simply sharing my thoughts on something that struck deep cords within me.

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Posted October 30, 2014 by Maureen in Uncategorized