Inefficacious

I am in an inefficacious situation.  I have been for some time.  I have gone around and around, upside down and inside out, backwards and forwards, thinking of a way or ways to get out of or change my situation.

I have been unable to do so.  Can’t figure it out.  Nothing I think of will work.

I live in the San Francisco bay area, one of the most expensive places to live in the U.S.  When I moved here six years ago I knew the prices (everything, really) were going to be higher than what I was used to in Washington state.  I just didn’t figure on how much higher. My other miscalculation was that I didn’t realize that the salaries here would not be commensurate with the cost of living.  You would think salaries would match, wouldn’t you?  I mean – I’m not being unrealistic in my thinking that most salaries would be higher to meet the cost of living demands in the area, right?  Right?  Please tell me I am not crazy.

Everything thing here – every.single.thing. – is high.  And it keeps going up.  No end in sight – none.  Expensive.  No matter what you want to do – it is too much.  It is more than you expect.  It is more than what you paid last time.  Every.Thing.

Now normally – and by that I mean in my past life experiences – I could cut expenses, move to a smaller place, make sure I didn’t have any debt, move further away to save money, etc.  All the usual things you could think of.  Except, I am already doing all those things.  I pay less for a mortgage payment than I could ever hope to pay for rent on even a one bedroom apartment.  There just isn’t anything else I can cut or cut back on that would allow me enough money to pay rent.

And in order for my boyfriend and I to marry and live together I will have to leave the home I am sharing with family members and share a mortgage with, and rent somewhere.  Except that I cannot afford anything within a 40 minute commute of where I work.  If I don’t mind a 4 hour commute every single day – well, then!  I have lots of options.  Tons of options!  And I’d be dead in a week.  I cannot possibly handle a 4 hour commute every day.

In Psalm 84 it talks about going “from strength to strength”.  I have often found comfort in those words.  The Lord leads my steps.  God directs my path.  I may go through valleys, but always there is something to strengthen me along the way.  An oasis.  Rest.  Peace.  Strength.  The felt love or presence of the Lord.

And so it is now.  I am betwixt and between a rock and a hard place.  But I do not despair.  I do not stay discouraged.  No – my Lord sustains me. I move from strength to strength, seeking God always and asking for His will in my life.