Archive for the ‘future’ Tag

What Do I Want To Be When I Grow Up?   Leave a comment

For many years I’ve told people I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up.  Through my 30’s and into my 40’s and 50’s I would say this.  And it was true.

I had plans when I was a teenager.  Dreams.  My very first dream was to be a philanthropist.  Yup – I wanted to give money away.  I still think that would be the best, the coolest, the most awesome job in the whole entire world.  Sadly, God did not bless me with lots of money to give away.  So instead of many very large scale give-aways, I’ve been doing very small scale give-aways as I am able.

Other dreams included being a cameraman (woman), a helicopter pilot, a writer, an artist, and training therapy dogs.  And yet – I’ve never done any of those things.  Dabbled, yes.  A little here and there, yes.  But I have made my living in much different ways since I was 17 years old.

You hear and/or read all the time (well, I do) about people who chucked everything to follow their dream at (fill in the blank of an age, usually over 50).  Or they retired, and finally fulfilled their dream to (fill in the blank, usually a college education).  And I say – good for them!  Kudos!  Well done!

But I feel no need to do that for myself.  I don’t feel loss that I am not a great photographer or writer or artist.  I don’t regret that I’ve never owned a dog or have only ridden once in a helicopter.  No, I am content and satisfied with how God has lead me in my journey.  He has always known best, and I have been happy to let Him guide me and lead me along the path of His will.

What dreams do you have?

Posted November 5, 2015 by Maureen in Musings

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Inefficacious   Leave a comment

I am in an inefficacious situation.  I have been for some time.  I have gone around and around, upside down and inside out, backwards and forwards, thinking of a way or ways to get out of or change my situation.

I have been unable to do so.  Can’t figure it out.  Nothing I think of will work.

I live in the San Francisco bay area, one of the most expensive places to live in the U.S.  When I moved here six years ago I knew the prices (everything, really) were going to be higher than what I was used to in Washington state.  I just didn’t figure on how much higher. My other miscalculation was that I didn’t realize that the salaries here would not be commensurate with the cost of living.  You would think salaries would match, wouldn’t you?  I mean – I’m not being unrealistic in my thinking that most salaries would be higher to meet the cost of living demands in the area, right?  Right?  Please tell me I am not crazy.

Everything thing here – every.single.thing. – is high.  And it keeps going up.  No end in sight – none.  Expensive.  No matter what you want to do – it is too much.  It is more than you expect.  It is more than what you paid last time.  Every.Thing.

Now normally – and by that I mean in my past life experiences – I could cut expenses, move to a smaller place, make sure I didn’t have any debt, move further away to save money, etc.  All the usual things you could think of.  Except, I am already doing all those things.  I pay less for a mortgage payment than I could ever hope to pay for rent on even a one bedroom apartment.  There just isn’t anything else I can cut or cut back on that would allow me enough money to pay rent.

And in order for my boyfriend and I to marry and live together I will have to leave the home I am sharing with family members and share a mortgage with, and rent somewhere.  Except that I cannot afford anything within a 40 minute commute of where I work.  If I don’t mind a 4 hour commute every single day – well, then!  I have lots of options.  Tons of options!  And I’d be dead in a week.  I cannot possibly handle a 4 hour commute every day.

In Psalm 84 it talks about going “from strength to strength”.  I have often found comfort in those words.  The Lord leads my steps.  God directs my path.  I may go through valleys, but always there is something to strengthen me along the way.  An oasis.  Rest.  Peace.  Strength.  The felt love or presence of the Lord.

And so it is now.  I am betwixt and between a rock and a hard place.  But I do not despair.  I do not stay discouraged.  No – my Lord sustains me. I move from strength to strength, seeking God always and asking for His will in my life.

Posted July 30, 2014 by Maureen in Musings

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Have you ever wanted a change?  Wanted to shake things up, try something new, disrupt your routine, expand your horizons?

I have.  I do.  The feeling comes on me suddenly and persists until I do something.  Perhaps it is that springtime is around the corner?  Shake off the cold and dark of winter and welcome in new flowers, growth, and more light?  Or is it triggered by the Lent season?

I’m not sure what is causing the feeling, but I have learned that when I get that deep itch to do something different, I need to answer it.  For this year’s itch I haven’t figured out what, exactly, to do.  I’ve been praying a lot about to be used by God and have striven to make myself available for what His will is and where it will lead me.  Is that the change?  Or should I just paint my bedroom a different color?

What about you?  Do you ever change things up in your life, or yourself? 


Posted March 5, 2014 by Maureen in Musings, Randomness

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Who’s your Buddy, who’s your Friend?   Leave a comment

Am I spending too much time on the internet?  This is a question I’ve asked myself, especially now that it is a new year and it is the inclination to examine what has been and look at what is coming.  Do I have more relationship with people online then I do in person?

I was telling friends just recently that I think I may have one more year (if that) on this husband-search I’ve been on.  It is very time-consuming.  I do spend a lot of time on the internet, searching, looking, talking.  I really don’t want to do it anymore.  I have other things I want to be doing.  Other goals to reach.  Classes to take.  Ministry to be a part of.  Writing.  Art.  Exercising.  All kinds of things.

I don’t want my relationships to be online.  I want face-to-face!  I really, truly, honestly, seriously want that with a husband.  I know it may not be possible.  If it does not happen that I can meet someone who will be my life partner, then I will do those things alone.  But I do want to do them.  And then, God willing, I can make friends and buddies in person.

Posted January 8, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian, Randomness

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Thinkin’ about….. marriage   Leave a comment

The current relationship I am in is at a stand-still.  Due to a misunderstanding (with some cultural stuff thrown in) he has a wrong impression of my living situation and the kind of woman I am. 

Yesterday I came home from an OK day at work.  Lonely.  Wishing I had someone to greet me and to talk about my day with.  Same as it has been for, oh, 25+ years.  I was contacted yesterday by someone I had broken things off with in January.  I hadn’t heard from him in about 7 months and thought he was out of my life.  He wanted to pick up where we left off.

See, the thing is, despite everything else, he was the only man I have met in the past three years that ever spent time with me.  Yes, it was online (he lives across the States).  But it was steady. He and I got to know each other pretty well, at least as far as what we told ourselves.  I told the truth about myself, but I had no way of knowing if what he said was true.  We would also send text messages and talked on the phone a few times.  When we talked he would ask about my family and my day and my hopes and dreams.  He was there every day, and on the weekends.

Which is what my woman’s heart wants.  I want someone who is interested in me.  Who knows me.  Who tries to understand me.  Who spends time with me.  Not every waking moment — heavens; spare me!  I couldn’t stand that after being single for so long.  No, I don’t mean joined-at-the-hip kind of spending time with.

Why is it my ‘stalker’ is the only one who seems to be truly interested in me?  Oh – don’t worry.  I am not going there again.  Nope.  Been there, done that, had the relationship, got the scars, not interested in doing it again.

But the man I am presently….. dating?  Hmmm. No.  He lives in another state.  In a relationship with?  No.  You have to actually communicate and see each other once in a while for that to happen.  My present man has said he wants marriage and has led me to believe (without explicitly expressing it) that it is me he would like to be married to.  And yet he has spent less time with me (despite many many many phone calls and a weekend spent in his City) in the four months we’ve known each other than this other guy, who I never actually met in person. 

I never would have believed it if someone had told me that it would be so hard to find someone who likes me as much as I like him.  Who wants to be my husband as much as I want to be his wife.  I know we need to be careful what we wish for — but I do wish I was married.

Posted October 13, 2010 by Maureen in Being Single

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