Archive for the ‘the future’ Tag

All I ever get are friends   3 comments

I’ve been trying the online dating thing for three years now.  I’ve had mixed experiences.  Mostly bad.  A few really bad.  Some weird.  Scammers.  Lots of scammers.  I’ve learned quite a lot about myself, and about dating.  My heart’s desire has been to get married again.  Not a hard thing to do on the surface, but in actuality….. very hard.  At least for me.  If I had been willing to compromise my integrity and faith….. well, my – I could have been married many times over.  It is not hard to meet men online.  It is meeting and being compatible with the right man that I have been unable to do.  I know myself well enough to know what would work best for me.  And I wasn’t willing to compromise on that.

So I have searched, and gotten shot down again and again.  Yes, I did my share of shooting down.  And since this year (2011) seems to be my year of getting back in gear, stepping up the pace, getting back in the groove, doing more ministry again —— I find, looking back, that what I got from the last three years of dating were……………. friends.

Not that there is anything wrong with friends.  But remember the goal was to find a husband.  I have had four brothers and two brothers-in-law — I don’t really need another man in my life that I think of in brotherly terms.  And yet, that is what God keeps bringing into my life over and over and over.  I may be slow, but I’m not stupid.

I seem to make a good friend.  A pal.  A good listener.  I give encouragement and provide laughs and give insight into the female mind.  I just don’t seem to be good enough that anyone wants me for a wife.  I don’t know what it is I lack.  No one has been able to tell me, and God has not revealed it to me.  But there is something about me that invites people to be friends with me, and then leave me behind when they get married and start their new life.  It has happened, literally, too many times for me to count.

So, soon, I’m going to leave the search for a husband.  Unless something drastic happens I will be calling it quits.  Hmmm…. might need to change the name of this blog, eh?

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Posted February 5, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian, Musings

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Discombobulated   Leave a comment

Do you like that word?  It is very descriptive, don’t you think?

Since I moved from Washington State to California I have felt this way.  I was lost, drifting, bearing-less.  Floundering.  Flailing.  Wandering aimlessly.

It took some time to feel like I fit in, to get comfortable, settled, unpacked, remodeled, oriented.  It was a gradual process.

This year, 2011, for the first time since moving, I feel  like I have gotten my feet under me and am moving forward.  To where?  Ah, now that is a question!  I don’t know  At least, I’m not sure.  Marriage?  If God wills.  A dog?  We’ll see.  More involvement in church and with friends and in volunteering?  Definitely

I’m not feeling discombobulated anymore.  I am feeling myself, whole.  I am looking forward, straining towards what is ahead, with a heart that is not only seeking its earthly partner, but a heart that also yearns to please and honor God.

Posted January 16, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian, Randomness

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A Year Ago   Leave a comment

What were you doing a year ago? 

I was working at a job that was very b-o-r-i-n-g.  I used to nod off at my desk daily.  There were multiple days every month where I would literally have nothing to do.  I read our Personnel and Procedures manual I don’t know how many times.  Filed everything within an inch of its life.  The company was Ok, the pay was barely Ok, and almost all of my co-workers were Ok.  It was just a very unchallenging, boring job.

The bloom had come off the rose on the man I had met online.  He had lied too many times — they were catching up with him.  His repeated assurances and promises were now hollow and I was feeling very used, angry, frustrated, and – yeah – angry.  At me, and at him.  It was once again “I thought he might be the ONE!” things, and it turned out he was a liar and very self-centered.  He was the one who contacted me again just recently and one of the things he said was “I’ll be with you soon and we can be married by Christmas.”  Which shows his arrogance and the fact that he was still a liar.  The nerve of some people.

I was still getting used to living in California.  Still picking up place names, finding where to hike and walk, checking out the different theater venues (I love going to small theaters) and also getting used to the weather. 

I was trying every which way I could, short of getting a second job, to figure out how I could buy Christmas gifts for everyone.  Didn’t make it.  I still had a really good time at Christmas – I just wasn’t able to buy anyone anything.

I was looking forward (well, no I wasn’t) to another New Year, which I would probably spend, once again, single.  I hadn’t yet gotten fully back on track with my spiritual life and prayer life, but I was working my way to it.  I had spent way too much time on the man I thought might be the ONE and not enough time with God and doing what He wanted me to do. 

And now, a year later?  A little older.  A little wiser.  Still single, with no prospects.  Still can’t afford Christmas gifts.  I do have a MUCH better job — thank GOD.  They’ll never get rid of me at this job – ha ha ha ha ha.  Our house remodel is done — thank GOD.  Except for the main bathroom and landscaping.  I’m still healthy — haven’t gained any more weight.  I am still seeking God and wanting His plan for me.  Not 100% sure what that will look like in California — I still don’t have a clear direction.  But I’m searching, spending time with Him and reading His word. 

What about you?  What were you doing a year ago?  The more things change, the more they stay the same.  And one thing I can always count on — God does not change.  Praise the name of the Lord.

Posted November 3, 2010 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian, Musings

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