Archive for the ‘singleness’ Tag

On the Edge   Leave a comment

Do you remember that Indiana Jones movie (“The Last Crusade”) where Indiana was following the clues to get to the holy grail, and he had to step blindly off the side of a sheer precipice?  There was nothing there – he couldn’t see anything – but he had to get to the grail.  He had to take that step, that first step, that would lead him to what he sought so badly.

Yeah — that’s what I have felt like.  Taking the first step is very hard.  But each further step along the path to a closer, deeper relationship with the man I’m dating is also hard.  The potential for hurt grows.  The potential for joy grows.  The potential for irritation, the potential for happiness. 

What I’m finding is that it is hard. No doubt about that.  But for me, going slowly, a little bit at a time, allows me to be comfortable, to feel safe about my feelings, and it also gives us a chance to know each other.  And that part is easy. 

I’ve already taken the first step.  We’ll see how many more steps I end up taking.

Posted October 23, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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What Does Love Look Like?   Leave a comment

The dinner where my boyfriend met some of my siblings went …………… really well.  Great food (even if I do say so myself) and everyone got along well.  He really enjoyed himself, and everyone liked him.

I asked a girlfriend recently how I could know when it was the right time to give my whole heart.  How could I know someone was “the one”?  How can I be sure I’m in love?

She said you couldn’t hold back due to doubts or thinking about it too much.  You just had to plunge forward.  Yikes!  A person could really get hurt doing that!  A person could also get really hurt holding back and not making a commitment.  Singleness is no refuge from hurt, nor is a relationship, nor is marriage.

What does love look like?  I think it looks very ordinary and everyday.  Laundry and grocery lists and what brand of toothpaste to buy and daily ups and downs.  Except when it looks like fireworks going off over a small cloth-covered table bathed in candlelight with a sumptuous meal and two people playing footsie under the table, laughing and talking together.

Posted October 18, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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Cue Dramatic Music   Leave a comment

I’m having my boyfriend meet some of my siblings this weekend.  The last time I had a boy friend meet my family was….. in 1978.  Yup – not kidding.

He’s not at all nervous, and neither am I.  It is just time that I get other people’s opinions of this great man I’ve met.  Will they think he’s as wonderful as I do, even with his his flaws (and mine)?  We’ll see.

Posted October 13, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single

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Gardens   Leave a comment

What is it about municipal gardens?  I find them so peaceful and restful.  I come away feeling refreshed and relaxed.  Is it the sunshine?  The trees, the grass, the flowers?  The fountain(s)?  Walking around?  The people watching?

For me, yes.  All of those.  I went with my beau (hee hee – great word) to a municipal rose garden on Saturday and it was so enjoyable.  We both took our time; sat when we wanted and walked when we wanted.  It was quite a beautiful and stress-free break to take with someone I care about.  I hope you all can have the same experience, with someone(s) special or by yourself, soon.

Posted August 28, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Memories

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About Searching…..   3 comments

I have been divorced 27 years.  In all that time I’ve wanted to be married again.  And of course, I’ve thought about who my future someone would be.  How tall would he be?  What color hair?  Would he be a good kisser?  What kind of job would he have?  What would he like to do for hobbies?  Football or baseball?  What would his family be like?  And on and on.

And once you really start seriously looking you begin to shorten “the list” and make compromises and decide what is really important to you.  I have always tried to keep an open mind about the qualities of my future someone and have always had a short list.  I’m far from a perfect person and I don’t expect to find someone who is perfect or who fits all my ideals.

I met someone who is the most interesting, intelligent, thoughtful, kind, considerate man I have ever met in my life.  And — he likes me for ME.  Is this man “THE ONE”?  Is my search over?  I don’t honestly know.  There are things we still need to discover and learn about each other and I have found that time has a wonderful way of working those kinds of things out.  The other shoe drops.  An “uh oh” moment occurs.  You meet the family.  Those kinds of things come out over time.  Maybe I’ll discover something (or more than one something) that will cause me to back off and break things off.  Maybe he will. 

I don’t know.  For now what I do know is we are enjoying each other’s company and getting to know each other, and neither of us is in a hurry to move things along too fast.  So I have stopped searching.  Time will tell if the search will be taken up again.

Posted August 20, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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The Impossible   3 comments

I am convinced I am seeking the impossible.  It has taken me a good three years to come to this conclusion.  No one can accuse me of being tack as a sharp.

What I seek is a man who believes in God, has faith, reads his Bible, and goes to church weekly.  He may fall, stumble, and not be perfect — but he strives to be.  He tries to follow God’s will for him and his life, and tries to be the best man he can and give glory to God in his life.  

I did not think that was asking too much.  I have seen lots of women who have husbands just like the man I described.  Sure, I’m old (52 is old, don’t you think?) but still I believed it was possible.  I have quite a lot to offer and give a husband, and I thought I could find someone who could see that and appreciate it.  I totally believed it was only a matter of time.

Nope.  Apparently not.  Most of the men — the vast majority of the ones I actually “meet” online (via email and/or IM) as well as those whose profiles I read or see on Craigslist  — fall into the “Spiritual but not Religious” crowd.  What?  You say you don’t know what SBNR is?  Well, allow me to educate you.

These are men (talkin’ about men here, though I’m sure women fall into this category also) who believe in God.  Have attended church in the past, have heard the Gospel message.  Perhaps they go to church on Christmas and Easter.  If their mother is alive and asks them to go with her.  They believe there is a God who created everything and sent his only son Jesus to earth as a man to die for our sins.  But they don’t see that it has to make a difference in their life.  They don’t think they need to go to church, even once in a while, let alone weekly.  They don’t crack open their Bible and would be hard pressed to name just three of the Ten Commandments.

SBNR men have faith and belief in the same God I do — but live their lives for themselves.  They do what they want, when they want, how they want without ever praying about it or considering how God would feel about it. 

This is not the kind of man I want to spend the rest of my remaining days with.  And  have been unable to find a true Christian man who is spiritually compatible with me.  I’ve met all kinds of men who are compatible on every other level — but not spiritually. 

I seek the impossible.  I’ll be freakin’ single the rest of my sorry, lonely life.   Man this sucks.

Posted July 16, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian, Musings

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I Heart Rock   2 comments

During a trip to southern California recently I was walking along a beach just south of Malibu with some family members, and I found this rock.  I originally gave it to my niece because she had gotten married a couple of years ago, but she gave it to me to take home.

The more I look at this rock the more lessons/analogies I can draw from it.  Now, I really like rocks.  I mean I notice rocks wherever I go.  I look for them on the ground.  I love climbing them.  I love having them in the yard, even on my desk at work.  A dream of mine would be to have a big rock (about 4 feet high) in the yard, with some rough steps carved on one side, a small flat place at the top, and the other side would be sloped and smoothed and carved to be a slide.  How cool would that be to have in your yard, huh??

So it was not a surprise my eyes spotted this rock, nor that I would be drawn to it.  Some of the things I’ve noticed about this rock:

It is, of course, heart-shaped.  Not smooth and clean with perfect, symmetrical sides.  But still noticeably heart-shaped.

It is hard (duh-it’s a rock), but it is smooth.

Picking it up it fills my hand – it is not small.

Looking at it, turning it over, you notice interesting patterns and worn spots.

It has been through rough times, because the edges and sides are smooth. Yet it has endured.

It has seen trauma – something broke it to make that heart-shape.  But it has endured. It continues.

I found it on the beach, which means it tumbled from a hillside or washed up from the ocean.  Which means it has traveled, probably being tossed and turned and rolled and squished in the process.  But it has endured.

It was a blessing for me to find this rock.  Thank you, God, for rocks.  And the enjoyment we can get from them, their usefulness, and lessons we can learn.

Posted June 26, 2011 by Maureen in Musings, Randomness

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Close, but no cigar   2 comments

I’ve been sick and then went out of town lately, but my “adventures in singleness” continue!  Just this week I had two experiences that perfectly illustrate the trials and tribulations of dating.

I had been talking with one man who found me very attractive and made that clear, but longer we talked online the more it became apparent that what he was really interested in was a sexual relationship. He was ok if that would last for months, but in the end he’d be moving on to the next lady.  No thanks, buddy.

The second guy was someone I seemed to have a lot in common with.  I was within his age range and he appealed to me.  I sent him my picture and never heard from him again.  What. The. H***?!?!?!  You can’t be man enough to say something like “Thanks for the picture, but I prefer (fill in the blank) ladies.”  (Younger, taller, fatter. skinnier, black hair, blonde hair, asian, hispanic….. whatever it might be)  You can’t even be man enough, polite enough, to say that to me??  No thanks, buddy.

Last night I had a dream where I was walking through shallow, clear running water.  Which is a good thing in a dream.  In the same dream I also spilled a cup of coffee, and I still haven’t quite figured out what that means.  The search for a husband continues….

Posted June 17, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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Desperately Seeking   1 comment

I have been “putting myself out there” the last two weeks.  Does anyone still use that phrase?  Almost every day, I have been sending at least one and sometimes up to three emails to men whose profiles I like on the two dating web sites I’m part of.  Bold.  Nervy even.  Desperate?

I read a post recently by a Christian man on a bulletin board on one of the web sites that encouraged those who really did want to get married — to reach out more.  To be a bit more assertive in their search and not just sit behind their keyboards, looking and waiting.  So, with daily prayer and seeking, that is what I have been doing.  And you know, aside from the silence from my emails and a few rejections…….. it hasn’t been a bad experience.  I feel positive that I am taking action.  The amount of prayer I’ve been doing around the dating/finding a husband thing has increased, and I feel that God has been blessing my search.  Not with, you know, an actual husband yet — but blessing nevertheless.

I was reminded this morning that the last three semi-serious relationships I was in all started around the Fourth of July. Which is coming in just over a month.  Hmmm…. makes a girl wonder if there is perhaps a desperate man out there, seeking for his other half.  Stay tuned.

Looking…. and discerning   1 comment

This is me. Searching profiles on a free dating web site… which shall remain nameless. 

Freakin’ A this is hard!!!!  I didn’t think I was very picky, until I started exploring this web site. It has several features that I really like.  Which I won’t share since it will give the site away.  But there are lots and lots of men near me that are in my age group on this site.  Great, right?  AND there are also a lot of Christian men, who are near me, in my age group, on this site.  Even better, right?

You might think so, but nnnnooooooooooo!!  99% of the men who I have seen that live near me (with 200 miles), are Christian (I can’t tell you how I know, but you can tell from the site) and who are in my age group are ——– are you ready? ——- are looking for ladies in their 30’s. Sometimes 40’s.  I’m not making that up or exaggerating.  AAAGGGGGG!!!!!!!  Why, why, WHY is it so hard to find someone?  I look at these profiles, trying to discern if he is telling the truth, if he is making things up or embellishing.  Trying to figure out if I should gather the shreds of my courage and contact him.

And I have reached out to more than a half-dozen of those men who has listed their age range as being outside mine.  Know how many replies I got back?  Two.  Both said thanks very much and good luck on my search, or something like that.  Polite. Acknowledging my note to them.  Being a gentleman.  The rest: nada.  How rude is THAT? 

So I continue slogging through the profiles.  Screwing my eye up.  Looking at it one way.  Then the other.  Weighing.  Trying to ….. figure it out.  Sigh.