Archive for the ‘singleness’ Tag

PROMISES TO KEEP   Leave a comment

I made a promise to myself years ago and I want help in keeping it.  After my divorce at 25 years old and all the many years since I have met and made friends with lots of single people.  Almost all of them have gotten married.  And the second they get married — and I really do mean it is immediately after — they stop being friends with me.  I just drop off the face of the earth as far as they are concerned.

Now of course I realize that people’s lives and priorities change when they get married.  I have never expected the same level of communication or activities with my friend once they got married.  But to just DROP me?  Not ever get another phone call or email from you?  What is that???  Why did I deserve to be treated like that?

This has happened to me over and over and…. well, I’ve lost count.  So I made a promise to myself.  That I would never, ever do that to someone.  I would never stop being friends with someone when I got married.  That I would make an effort to still see them and talk with them.

I want to keep that promise.  No one deserves to be dropped suddenly and without any good reason from a friendship.  It is a terrible way to treat someone, and I never ever want to do it.

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Posted February 9, 2015 by Maureen in Being Single

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A Milestone   Leave a comment

Know what this is?

Engagement Ring

That’s my engagement ring.  We picked it up this weekend.  It’s an Alexandrite stone with diamonds in a white gold setting.

I’ve been waiting 25+ years for this.  To say I was happy would be a gross understatement.

Posted November 4, 2014 by Maureen in Being Single, Randomness

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Dating and Job Hunting   Leave a comment

Dating is a lot like job hunting.  Or perhaps I should say: Job hunting is a lot like dating.
I’ve been looking at the job web sites for a few months, and I apply to maybe 3-4 jobs each month.  The expectation and excitement, followed by disappointment and feelings of rejection in my job hunt, are a lot like dating.
When you are looking for someone to date, seeking to connect with someone to do things with and possibly build a life with, you are filled with expectations and hopes.  When I had profiles on dating web sites and was searching profiles and came across someone I was interested in, I would read their profile in detail and pray about it.  I would send them an email or a smiley or flirt message (depending on the site and my interest).  Then I would wait in expectation for their reply.  Sometimes I would come across a profile that really interested me.  “This guy really sounds like we would be a good match!” I’d think.  I would carefully craft a message to them, and wait on pins and needles for a response.  Feeling like a little kid again, I would sometimes feel as if the little girl inside of me was jumping up and down saying, “Pick me!  Pick me!”
I have found job hunting to be very much like that.  If only an employer would just really SEE my qualifications and experience!  If they would just give me a chance I just know I could be a really excellent employee and a good fit for their opening.  I am realistic about my qualifications and experiences, and I know I am a good employee with a lot of things going for her.  (“Put me in, coach!  I want to play!”).
But, like my dating experiences, instead I have found a lot of rejection and disappointment.  Sometimes I get the sense employers do look at my resume and cover letter, and for whatever reason they decided not to even give me an interview.  Other times I hear nothing back from my application.  (So rude when that happens, employers!  Sheesh – email is free and the least you can do is send a canned email.)
But since I know I have things to offer and I know I am a good employee, I keep on looking and sending out resumes.  Struggling with rejection and disappointment, I continue to pray about it and search for a good fit for me, and my future employer.

Posted July 24, 2013 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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You HAVE it – USE it!   Leave a comment

Being a middle-aged single lady and a Christian, I have heard variations on the advice “how to get married”, or “how to meet the RIGHT man” a number of times.  Almost always it will be a Christian man or woman telling the story of how they met their husband or wife, and advocating that the way it happened for them is the RIGHT way, and/or the ONLY way. 

I don’t mind getting advice.  I like hearing what other people think, and I often see things in a different light or my mind is opened to things I hadn’t considered.  I do listen with much caution, however, when people try to tell me theirs is the RIGHT way or the ONLY way to find a husband.   I know someone who repeats on a regular basis, “Oh –I’ve had four kids…. I KNOW!”  or “Oh, trust me, I’ve had four kids, and I KNOW”.  The only thing that person KNOWS is her four kids.  She does not KNOW any other kids. 

Let me tell you the true story of two single people.  The first is a young man, in his early 30’s.  For personal, business, and family reasons he lives in a small town in the mid west and has all his life.  He has been a faithful church attender and participator for years.  He really, truly, wants to get married and share his life with a woman, and yet there is no one in his church or hometown whom he has connected with and felt that God was calling them together.  His family condemns him (literally) because he is in his 30’s and not married.  They steadfastly maintain that he has hidden sin in his life, that he isn’t living the life God wants for him, because he is not married.  Though they see him daily and it is a small town so everyone knows about everyone else, they still maintain he must be a sinner because he isn’t married by now.  He has been searching on Christian dating web sites, meeting online ladies around the country, trying to find a wife.

The second single person is a middle-aged lady. She is a good Christian who is part of a good church.  She attends regularly, teaches Sunday School, and participates in other groups and activities of the church.  She prays and reads her Bible regularly.  She lives in an area of the country that, while it is heavily populated, has few truly Christian single in her age bracket.  And, there is not one single man in her church that God has lead her to.  There are fine single men, just none that are close to her age that she is interested in.  She has been searching on Christian dating web sites, meeting men from around the country, trying to find a husband.  Her family finds her strange that she searches for a husband on the internet, and her friends think she is being reckless to do so.

One aspect of Christian advice for FINDING YOUR MATE goes something like this:  If you believe that Jesus is your savior, if you read your Bible regularly and pray, if you not only attend church but participate in the teaching and ministries of the church —- well then, just sit back and wait, ‘cause God is going to send your knight in shining armor or your beautiful princess to you.  Just wait!  It will happen!

Now of course I’m using a bit of hyperbole to describe that advice I have heard in various forms over the years.  But what I don’t understand about this advice is, where in the Bible does it say that as Christians we sit passively by and wait for God to bring us our mate?  Don’t get me wrong – I agree with everything in the previous paragraph about having Jesus as your savior, reading your Bible, praying, being a member of a church and participating in that church’s ministries.  I absolutely believe every Christian should do all those things.  The part I have a problem with is the sitting and waiting.  Reallly?

I don’t believe God created us to be passive.  I don’t believe God created us to not use our arms and legs, our minds and our mouths, our gifts and our talents.  God created us with all those things and more – He wants us to USE them.  Of course as Christians we need always to use what God has given us with prayer and asking God for wisdom and discernment.  We should not be flying off here and there, trying to “help” God, or thinking we know just what God wants us to do or be —- without praying about it, and asking God for His wisdom and discernment.  God wants us to use the things He created in us and made us to be, but He wants us to do that for His glory and praise, and in His wisdom.  That, my friends, in my opinion, is the ONLY RIGHT WAY.

So, what do you think?   What would you do if one of those people I talked about was you?

Posted September 14, 2012 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian

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Overwhelmed   Leave a comment

I’ve been overwhelmed lately.  Dare I say intermittently overwhelmed?  Sounds like an oxymoron, but that is what best describes how I’ve been feeling.

I have three friends who are feeling very down and low.  For good reasons (health, employment, love life, etc.) they are feeling depressed and without hope.  All three have been sharing their struggles with me, for which I am thankful.  I am grateful to be in a place where I can shine God’s light in someone’s life and be an encouragement to them.

And I have other friends that I am not as close with who also share some of their problems/burdens with me.  I ended up writing to a pastor friend who has a degree in counseling, asking his advice on how I could help my friends.  I don’t know how to handle someone who is this close to committing suicide!  I feel totally inadequate to the task.

He gave me some good advice and some lessons he has shared with people, using the Bible as a guide.  One friend is not a Christian and so he would not listen to or follow points from the lessons, but the other advice my pastor friend gave me was to take time to pray and ask God for refreshing when I have been talking with any of my hurting friends.  And this has helped a lot.  I am able to center on my Rock, I am able to be filled with peace, even with joy.

Thanks be to God for his love and faithfulness!  I hope and pray you can be a light and encouragement to someone today.

Posted August 13, 2012 by Maureen in Christian, Musings

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My First Valentine’s Day   Leave a comment

Here it is almost February, and the first month of 2012 is almost gone.  This year will be the first time I’ve had a boyfriend at Valentine’s Day in….. well, let’s just say it has been over 25 years.  Yup, that long.

My Dad’s birthday was on February 14th, so to me that day has always been associated with a birthday party and cake, not anything romantic.  It never really bothered me if I didn’t have a date or a sweetheart for “the most romantic day of the year”.  The same is true now, even with a most wonderful man in my life.  I have already told him I don’t expect or even want flowers and/or candy. 

Being a card person, I will buy (and snail mail) 2-4 cards to him.  But…. I’m unsure if I should do anything more.  I know he doesn’t want or expect ME to send HIM flowers, and he knows I’m a card person so he expects at least one.  Should I write him a poem?  Take a picture of myself?  I was thinking of leaving little love notes around his apartment.  Is that corny?  Or is it sweet?  I haven’t quite decided what to do, but I’ll let you know. 

I hope your Valentine’s Day is filled with all things that bring you warm fuzzies and tasty treats, so much so that it will overflow to others in your life.

Posted January 31, 2012 by Maureen in Musings

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‘Tis the Season   Leave a comment

Ah, December.  That time of year when the weather is colder, everyone looks back on the previous year, we pick which holiday parties we are going to, and I gain 10 pounds.

It’s the Christmas cookies.  I am a cookie monster from my early childhood, and Christmas cookies are the best!  And the pie.  Can’t forget the pie.  Oh, and eggnog lattes at Starbucks.  With a pumpkin scone, ‘natch!  December is a time when I spend too much, eat too much, and when January rolls around I always face the consequences of my high credit card bill and tight clothes.

Each year it is the same.  Except for this one thing:  this year I have a sweetheart.  It will be my first Christmas with my honey.  Since he calls himself an atheist and was raised Jewish the whole Christmas thing is almost nulled, but still — we will be together during “The Holidays” – that all important time of the year.  We sailed easily through Thanksgiving and I have no doubt Christmas will be the same.

‘Tis the season.  And this season, I will have a very special someone to be with.  And for that I’m thankful.

Posted December 9, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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