Archive for the ‘single’ Tag

Both to Blame   Leave a comment

Here is another story from my dating days.  I was recalling recently a small thing that happened about 7 years ago.  The church I was attending was having a missions dinner.  We were going to have several missionaries and a guest speaker.  It was going to be a dinner and an auction, and I signed up as a helper.  I love missions dinners, and I was looking forward to this one.  You never knew where you might meet someone, right?  And what better place to meet them than at church!

So there was lots of planning and setup, and then the guests started to arrive.  Of course there were lots of people I knew, but some I didn’t know.  There were people arriving and groups would form and then dissolve and new groups would form, while people greeted and met people.

I was standing in a group of men I knew and there was a man I hadn’t met in the group.  He was good looking and he looked to be around my age. so I smiled big and greeted him to the dinner.  I don’t remember exactly what was said, but his reaction caught me totally by surprise.  He said something along the lines of, “I’ll be sitting at a table with others from my church,” which he said to the group of us, looking around, and then looked straight at me and said, “With my WIFE.”  He said the last very forcefully, and loudly.

I was embarrassed.  Embarrassed that I had been that obvious in my interest in him, and embarrassed that he was reacting so strongly to my 3 seconds of interest.  Everyone in the group got a little uncomfortable, and he just kept staring at me intensely.  I excused myself and found some little jobs to do.

I happened to be sitting at a table way across the room from the table he was sitting at.  That wasn’t planned, it just happened that way.  Since I was a helper, there were times during the night I would get up and move around the room.  Every time I did I could feel his intense gaze on me.  It wasn’t a glare, but it was defensive.  It creeped me out a little.  Did he really think I was going to make a move on him or something?   That he was so irresistible that I would go over and flirt with him, with his wife right there?  At church?!  I kept my eyes away from that part of the room.

The evening was fun, the food was good, and the auction was also fun.  One of the things we auctioned off were the centerpieces at each table.  At the end of the auction, the volunteers went around and gathered up the centerpieces.  It happened that I ended up on the side of the room where he was sitting. He kept an eagle eye on me while I was walking around.  He didn’t look at anyone else, he didn’t watch anyone else, he kept his eyes on me.  “Honestly!” I thought.  “Just how big is his ego?”  I went to his table and he leaned over and put his arm around his wife, still not taking his eyes off me.

Without making eye contact with anyone at the table I picked up the centerpiece on the table. He kept leaning to the side with his arm around his wife’s shoulders, watching me.  I walked away and then stayed away from that side of the room during what was left of the night.

So yes – it was quite the ego on him to think I would pursue him after he had clearly told me he had a wife.  And yes – I obviously came on too strong when I said hello to him; I made my interest too well known.  We were both to blame.


Posted March 30, 2019 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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Clueless   Leave a comment

Have you ever read one of those articles that talk about how dense guys are, and how they really miss obvious clues, and how funny it all is?

Are you a girl, and it has happened to you?

Yeah, me too.

Shortly after I was divorced in my middle 20’s I was working at an insurance company, providing administrative and technical support to claim handlers.  They used hand-held recorders a lot in their jobs, and one of my jobs was to keep them running.  Which meant I interacted with our Lanier rep a lot.  There were various reps I dealt with (always professional and knew their stuff — the company was a pleasure to work with), and at one point we got a new rep.  

The first time he walked in to talk over repairs and some new models they had my heart went pitter patter and I had to really concentrate so I wasn’t spending the whole time staring at him.  Our professional relationship continued for many months, and it seemed that he enjoyed my company as much as I enjoyed his.  Phone conversations lingered.  Our face-to-face meetings were drawn out.  I was very attracted to him.

He was handsome, funny, intelligent.  He also wasn’t tall, and as a short person myself that was important.  That he was receptive to what I thought were very gentle vibes from me was pleasing to me and I enjoyed the business contacts we had.

Eventually, he moved up in the company.  I remember when he called to say good-bye.  We had a nice conversation, and as he usually did he made several humorous remarks that made me giggle.

Then he asked if possibly sometime we could go out for a drink after work.  My first thought was “I don’t drink alcohol — what would I do in a bar?” and instead of answering his quiet pass, I giggled.  There was a pause in the conversation and then it came to kind of an awkward close.

You’ll find this hard to believe, but I didn’t get it.  Nope.  Clueless!  I had picked up on the fact that something had happened that I had missed. But I didn’t know what.  I thought and thought about it, and by the next day it had finally percolated through my brain matter.  UG!!  He had made a pass at me and I BLEW it!  I wanted to go out with this guy and get to know him better, and now I never would.

What an idiot.  What a dolt.  How could I be so stupid, right?  Yup, that was clueless me.  

So, it is not just guys who miss the obvious things.  Sometimes us girls do it too.  

Posted January 7, 2014 by Maureen in Uncategorized

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Just ONE Thing   Leave a comment

What would you do if you had met the man of your dreams…. but there was just one thing that made you hesitate?  Or second guess yourself?  Or give you pause?

For instance, what if you met a man (talking men here, since I’m a lady, but the same thing applies to women) who, as you got to know him more and more after dating several months, turned out to be the kind of man you had dreamed about and prayed for and who seemed to match you perfectly.  Terrific, right?  Except….. there was just one thing about him.  Just one, really. 

Not that he was perfect.  Oh, he had his faults and shortcomings.  But then, so do you.  No, the non-perfect things about him were nothing that would be deal breakers.  But….. that one thing.

What would that one thing be for you?

That he ate with his mouth open?

That you couldn’t stand his grown kids?

That his family was a horrible mix of dysfunction, addiction, alcoholism, and incarceration?  AND they lived nearby?

That he sometimes skipped church on Sunday for other things?

That he only bathed twice a week?

That he was unemployed and living on Assistance and Welfare?

That he wanted badly to move to (fill in the blank) but you really did not want to live there?

That he didn’t handle his money well?

That he was not a born-again Christian?

That his health was not good, and was sure to get worse?

That he was a really bad driver?

That your family and friends all liked him…. except for that one thing?

And let us assume that the one thing we are talking about is something that, while possible to change (or improve, or remove) there was very little chance it would ever do so.  Especially since we are talking about a middle-aged man (since I’m a middle-aged woman we will assume that).  Then what?

What would you do?  What is your one thing?

Posted January 14, 2013 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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Waiting for Life to Happen   Leave a comment

“I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

The Apostle Paul’s words to the church in Rome (Romans 7:15) describe me lately.  Instead of doing the plethora of things available to me…. things I like to do, need to do, should do…… I waste time.  I put things off.  I don’t do what I know I should do.

Why is that?  Why do I do that?  Is it sin, or just laziness?  Is it something deeply psychological, or just procrastination? It is like I am waiting for life to happen to do the things I ought to do.  Life is now!  Life is what happens to me every day!  I should not waste or squander or misspend the time God has given me. 

And yet, too often, I do.  I often promise myself I won’t, but then I forget.  Or just choose not to follow thru.  Which is not the kind of person I usually am.  If I am not that way with other people, why do I treat myself that way?  Then I think it is just because I am single.  If I had a husband, I wouldn’t be this way.  Would I?  Does that truly have anything to do with it?  Or am I just feeling sorry for myself?

So I continue to endeavour as best I can.  To make the most of each day.  To read the Bible, pray, and be the best kind of light and witness I can for God.  Some days I am better at that than others.

“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”  (Philippians 3:14)

Posted April 20, 2012 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian, Musings

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Teeter Totter   Leave a comment

Remember the teeter totter?  (Some might call them seesaws)  I always loved the rush you got when you pushed up from the ground.  Not so much the hard bump when you came back down again.  I didn’t like playing with my brothers, as their goal was to push and pull so hard as to make me fall off.

I feel a little like being on a teeter totter lately, with this relationship I’m in.  Things are still going strong.  We get along very well and enjoy each other’s company.  But like any relationship — ours is growing and changing with time.

After many years of guarding my heart ……. when do I stop?  When is it ok to not guard so fiercely anymore?  Do I let go a little at a time, like pulling the wrapping paper off gently from a package?  Or do I just totally let go and accept the consequences, like ripping the wrapping paper off in one big pull?  How do I know when that time is? 

I continue forward, still interested in this man and still going through the changes in our relationship.  But I teeter.  And I totter.  One thing about teeter totters, though, if you remember.  They are the most fun…….. when you have the right partner.

Posted September 28, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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My Alter-Ego   Leave a comment

I completed a dish towel recently, just for fun.  I had seen this lady in a package of iron-on transfers on a web site and just had to get her and sew her on something.  I may sew her on more than one thing. 

This is me.  In my head, when no one is looking, the way I wish men would see me.  This is me on so many levels.