Archive for the ‘marriage’ Tag

Sometimes I Just Give Up   Leave a comment

SOMETIMES I JUST GIVE UP

Poor widow, her husband died.

Lots of prayers and cards and visits and meals.

A memorial service, phone calls, emails, condolences.

 

Empty house, empty bed, empty heart.

Keep busy, widow.

Keep working, take care of yourself,

do the shopping, cooking, cleaning …

all by yourself.

Keep busy, widow.

Go outside, talk to people, go to church,

do your hobbies, reconnect with friends,

pet the cats, feed the cats, groom the cats,

do your job; stay busy, busy, busy.

 

Sometimes … I just give up.

It is just too hard to maintain the façade.

I can’t do it.  The grief, the loss is just

too overwhelming.

 

Sometimes … I just give up.

I stay home.  Don’t drive.  Don’t talk to anyone.

I stay in my PJs.  I cry, and cry, and cry.

I go back to bed.  I immerse myself in a book

or a TV show or stupid computer games;

anything, anything so I don’t have to think

about how much I desperately miss my most

wonderful husband.

 

Sometimes … I just give up.

I get so tired of people saying I’m strong.

No, I am NOT strong!

I don’t know what you see, but you

don’t see me if you think I am strong.

My only strength, my only source, is my Lord

God Almighty.  I can do nothing without Him.

 

He wants me to stay, He wants me to carry on.

He wants me to work as if I’m working for Him,

and shine my light for Him and be the best

person I can, for Him.

But sometimes … I just give up.

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Posted July 17, 2016 by Maureen in Musings, Poems

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Never Leaving   Leave a comment

I remarried at 55, and from age 25 until 55 I was single.  I had dated and had boyfriends, but I hadn’t lived with a man all that time.  So one of the things I considered before getting married is if I would adjust to living with a husband again. I was a different person in many ways from when I first married at 20.  And the two men I’ve married were very different people.  Would it be enough?  Would all those factors make a difference?  I enjoyed my solitude.  Reveled in it, sometimes, truth be told.

It has been seven months now, and I can report that I am very happy living with my husband.  Oh, sometimes I feel the need for solitude, but with a 3 bedroom apartment it is possible to be by myself without leaving or being to far away from my love.  And yes, we are both flawed people so sometimes we are angry at each other or frustrated or irritated, and I want to get away by myself.  Those times don’t last long, and there are things I can do to have my own space.

One of our favorite TV shows is “Big Bang Theory”.  There was an episode where Penny, who lives across the hall from Sheldon and Leonard and is dating Leonard, has a sudden series of circumstances happen and Leonard moves in with her.  A bit later, Sheldon asks how things are going.  Leonard talks about how perfect it is and it is like a party all the time.  Penny, through clenched teeth and trying to smile, says, “Yeah.  Its like the party will never leave the apartment!”

I’m happy to say that does not apply to me.  I love being with my husband, and I am daily thankful that we found each other and are married.

Posted August 21, 2015 by Maureen in Musings

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ADJUSTMENTS   Leave a comment

My husband has several long-term chronic health problems.  He has developed two more since we started dating (we just had our 4th anniversary!).  The latest one started 10 months ago.

I knew well before I married him that his chronic health problems would only worsen.  Aside from a miracle healing from God, one thing or the other would finally kill him in the end.  We had expected things to start worsening 3-5 years from now.

We did not expect them to worsen immediately after we married.  It has been an adjustment for us.  Gradually, I have to take over all the duties.  Cooking and cleaning and taking care of him and our cat.  He has to stay close to home, or not go too far from it.  Going on a honeymoon is out the question.  Even going away for the weekend is out of the question.  I have a big family gathering coming up soon at a cousin’s house, and we don’t think he will be able to go to that.

We have talked about it a lot, and continue to talk about it.  Neither of us is very happy with this development, but we strive to adjust as best we can.

Life never really turns out the way you want it, or plan for it, or think it will, does it?  God alone is eternal and never-changing.  THIS is something to count on.

Posted July 6, 2015 by Maureen in Christian, Randomness

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Lessons Learned as a Newlywed   Leave a comment

My husband and I had been together 3 ½ years before we got married.  I thought I knew him very well.  We had experienced a lot together in those years – good and bad.  Our relationship had gone through all kinds of changes, and weathered storms.  I knew that I knew that I knew I wanted to marry this man and be his wife the rest of our lives.  I was certain I knew him well.

And yet – after we were married I found out some things I had not known about him.

I had no idea he would make that particular sound when a heavy piece of glass got accidentally dropped on his foot.

I had no idea he was good at putting together things like a 4-shelf stand from Ikea.  Make that anything from Ikea.  He has way more patience than I in doing that stuff – and he follows the directions!

I didn’t know he got distracted so easily while unpacking.  He does not work, so he is home most of the day every day, and when I come home I am invariably faced with pieces of projects in the dining room, living room, and library.  Sometimes also down the hall.

I didn’t know he wouldn’t mind (heck – he asked me!) me rearranging his whole dresser.  Refolding clothes, reorganizing, sorting.

I didn’t know he would be so protective of me enjoying at least part of the weekend.  He actively seeks to get me to relax and not unpack or search for things or clean or organize or shop.  He wants me to be able to enjoy the weekend, after working all week.

The lessons I’ve learned from these revelations are: You are never too old to learn something new.  And – people can still surprise and even delight you even after you know them well.

Posted April 13, 2015 by Maureen in Musings

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Emotions   Leave a comment

My fiancé and I have been talking about our wedding, and all the things that go with that.  Interestingly, and unexpectedly for me, it has brought up emotions.  In both of us.

For myself, I’ve been divorced 30 years now, and I worked out my feelings towards and about my first marriage and my former husband a long time ago.  We are friends and are friendly and it was all in the past.  But – talking about plans has brought up things that happened, and the emotions along with the memories.  Things I haven’t thought about nor talked to anyone about in years.

For my fiancé, we are preparing to leave where we are each living with roommates so we can live someplace together.  That means sorting, packing, giving away, garage sales, etc.  And for him it has brought back memories and the emotions that go with them of being forced to downsize, and downsize again and again, after he got laid off and was unable to find work again.

Now of course with the wedding planning comes lots of good emotions, also. We are both in agreement with what we want and don’t want, and we can talk about it for hours – it is exciting and fun for us.

What about you?  What emotions have you been experiencing lately?

Posted December 1, 2014 by Maureen in Being Single, Memories

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Engaged   Leave a comment

It is official.  We picked out my rings 2 weeks ago, but I am now officially proposed to, and engaged to be married.  He wanted to wait to find the right words to say before he gave me the ring.

My honey and I were getting ready to go out to do some errands a few days ago.  I was going down the list with him:

“Do you have your sunglasses?”

“Right here in my pocket”

“Ok – you have your cane – where is your tea?”

“Got it”

“Do you have the list?”

“Yes – in my wallet”

And then we were ready and all of a sudden he said, “No – we forgot something important!”

“What?”

“Something really important!”  and he started a frantic search in his pockets.

“What!?” I exclaimed, not understanding what could have been forgotten to be so important.  And then he pulled out the little box with the ring in it.

I won’t share what he said because it was pretty personal, but it was really sweet and sentimental and was heart-felt.  I also shared some very sentimental and heart-felt words with him, and I said “Yes”.

We haven’t set a date yet, but it will be sometime next year and we will be eloping.  I feel very blessed by God that He brought to me someone who I love and respect, who is truly my partner.  A man who is my cheerleader and my protector; a man who is not perfect but who loves me, who is also not very perfect at all.

Posted November 18, 2014 by Maureen in Memories

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A Milestone   Leave a comment

Know what this is?

Engagement Ring

That’s my engagement ring.  We picked it up this weekend.  It’s an Alexandrite stone with diamonds in a white gold setting.

I’ve been waiting 25+ years for this.  To say I was happy would be a gross understatement.

Posted November 4, 2014 by Maureen in Being Single, Randomness

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