Archive for the ‘internet dating’ Tag

Heartache to Stalker   Leave a comment

When does a heart-ache turn into stalking?  When does attempting to mend a broken relationship turn into unhealthy pursuit?

A friend had her fiance break up with her suddenly over a month ago.  She was floored and devastated.  She has been driving me crazy since with “But — I still LOOOVVVEEEE him!!!!!” and “Why??  Why did he do this?” and “What did I do WRONG?!?!?!”  I have tried to be supportive and compassionate and honest.  But since I’m not a person who spends a lot of time asking “WHY?!?” when bad things happen…. it has been a struggle not to slap her.

He got her kicked off the dating web site where they met by telling them she was a stalker (not true).  He changed all her passwords on her accounts (which she had given him since she has only a smart phone and not a computer.)  He has told everyone (well, about half a dozen) on said web site that she was a scammer who broke his heart.  He has already “found” someone else (though I suspect he is making it up).  He has called her names, brought up things they argued about months ago, accused her of cheating, and basically blamed her for every single little thing, as well as for “making” him feel this way or that way or the other way.

Through all of this I have had to listen to the “But – I still LOOOVVVEEEE him!!!!!” and other things.  This weekend she insisted on sending him an email, trying ONE_MORE_TIME to “get” him to talk about their relationship so it would all go back to the way it was.  He still has not responded to her.  Which of course makes her think he has closed that email account and never saw it in the first place and that is why he is not responding.

So I’m wondering: if she sends him a letter with the same things she said in the email — is that stalking?  Is that going too far? What is that line of going too far?  I know where I myself would draw the line at going too far.  Is the line different for each person and relationship?

We had a long talk this weekend and I pointed out inconsistencies (many) in his stories, as well as conflicting things she has told me about her feelings for him.  She told me later that she felt better and felt less of a heart-ache over the whole thing. 

The bottom line for me and any relationships (current and future) that I have:  Do not become so desperate and lonely that you say and/or do almost anything and everything to hold onto a gaunt, slow-talking southerner who was passive aggressive, a liar, insecure, that you weren’t attracted to, and had lots of red flags on even before the breakup.  No, not for me.  You have my permission to slap me if I ever do that.

Is this thing on??   Leave a comment

Having long-distance internet relationships is difficult.  Though, I suppose any long-distance relationship would have the same difficulties I’m having.  So, if I don’t hear from him in two days…… what does that mean?  Anything?  Something big?  Anything that has to do with me? Or, is he not even thinking of me at all because of something else going on? 

You ask yourself while checking your internet connection and phone: “Is this thing on?”  You find yourself checking your email more often.  Verifying that you can actually receive emails.  Phone calls.  Text messages.  Yup – all working.  Sigh.

I keep telling  myself that if I had a boyfriend that lived locally (i.e. within an hour of where I live) I would not have these problems.  But, there is no guarantee.  Just because someone might live locally does not mean we would communicate more.  And even when I do get a communication — it is not always clear.  For instance, one of my long-distance internet male friends asked me this week if he could come for a visit “over the holidays”.  Not knowing for sure what “holidays” he was talking about, I asked him.  He said Christmas.  Ahhhhh…… yeah.  That’s, like, nine months away, dude.  You are asking if it is ok for you to come then????  How in the heck am I supposed to know THAT?  But I did not actually say that. I emailed him that he was welcome to come anytime.  Which he is.  I’m not holding my breath it will actually happen — but of course he is welcome to come anytime.

So while I sit and wait and ask myself  “Is this thing on?” I try to continue to honor God with each relationship.  I try not to second-guess myself, or check my email texts and voice mails more than necessary.  I just pray, and wonder some more.