Archive for the ‘hurt’ Tag

On the Edge   Leave a comment

Do you remember that Indiana Jones movie (“The Last Crusade”) where Indiana was following the clues to get to the holy grail, and he had to step blindly off the side of a sheer precipice?  There was nothing there – he couldn’t see anything – but he had to get to the grail.  He had to take that step, that first step, that would lead him to what he sought so badly.

Yeah — that’s what I have felt like.  Taking the first step is very hard.  But each further step along the path to a closer, deeper relationship with the man I’m dating is also hard.  The potential for hurt grows.  The potential for joy grows.  The potential for irritation, the potential for happiness. 

What I’m finding is that it is hard. No doubt about that.  But for me, going slowly, a little bit at a time, allows me to be comfortable, to feel safe about my feelings, and it also gives us a chance to know each other.  And that part is easy. 

I’ve already taken the first step.  We’ll see how many more steps I end up taking.

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Posted October 23, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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What Does Love Look Like?   Leave a comment

The dinner where my boyfriend met some of my siblings went …………… really well.  Great food (even if I do say so myself) and everyone got along well.  He really enjoyed himself, and everyone liked him.

I asked a girlfriend recently how I could know when it was the right time to give my whole heart.  How could I know someone was “the one”?  How can I be sure I’m in love?

She said you couldn’t hold back due to doubts or thinking about it too much.  You just had to plunge forward.  Yikes!  A person could really get hurt doing that!  A person could also get really hurt holding back and not making a commitment.  Singleness is no refuge from hurt, nor is a relationship, nor is marriage.

What does love look like?  I think it looks very ordinary and everyday.  Laundry and grocery lists and what brand of toothpaste to buy and daily ups and downs.  Except when it looks like fireworks going off over a small cloth-covered table bathed in candlelight with a sumptuous meal and two people playing footsie under the table, laughing and talking together.

Posted October 18, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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Overwhelmed   2 comments

I have been overwhelmed the past couple of weeks.  I had another unwanted advance (well, a few) from an old boyfriend.  One of my long-distant friends stopped contact with me, but thankfully it wasn’t anything too bad and we are talking again.

But what has overwhelmed me more than anything else is that a lot of people I know are hurting, and struggling.  They are out of work, they have had traumatic break-ups, they have serious health issues.  They have terrible family issues.  They have lost loved ones.  They are living paycheck to paycheck – just barely. 

It is so hard to see my friends and family go through this.  I can help very little.  I always feel inadequate.  I do what I can, but it never feels as if it is enough, or the right thing.  I don’t know what to say.  I pray for them, but I feel I should/could do more. 

All of it makes my petty little single lady troubles seem very, very insignificant.

Posted April 23, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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