Archive for the ‘family’ Tag

You Too?   Leave a comment

There has been a lot of news about the #metoo movement in the past few years.  Women coming forward, speaking out, revealing sexual assault and harassment they have gone through.  Perhaps it is the way my brain works.  Perhaps it is because I could join the ranks of #metoo.  I am not sure, but when I hear stories about revealed sexual assault, my mind goes to all the victims of – let us go ahead and name it – the crimes.

The mother, the father, the brother or sister who saw, who knew. And never said anything.  The teacher, the coach who saw.  Maybe they were even confessed to.  And they did not say anything.  The co-workers who noticed the bruises and changes in behavior and didn’t ask.  The family members who saw what was happening but didn’t say anything because — that is the way it happened in their family.  It happened to them, and now it was happening to another generation, and no one ever said anything about it.

What about those people?  What are they going through, hearing all this recent talk about standing together, speaking up, not being silent, calling out?  What kind of guilt, anger, loathing they might be feeling?  And what do they do with those feelings?  Who helps them?

What about the men?  The men who were boys once.  Teenagers.  Now they are grown men.  Do they feel guilt?  Do they feel bad about what they did?  Do they even remember?  Do they care about lives forever changed?  Lives forever scared because of what they did?  Who helps them?  Who do they go to for support, for help?

I know someone who I am quite sure had a sexual assault when she was in her 20’s.  I saw the changes in her.  I asked her about it.  She denied it.  She denies anything happened to this day.  Do these news stories dredge it all up for her?  I know someone I worked with who came to work every day in long sleeves and/or turtle necks.  She finally told us a little bit about how her husband treated her.  We listened and were supportive.  We let her know we were there for her.  She finally left him and lived with my friend for a few months.  That was 30 years ago.  What does she think when she hears these stories?  Does she wonder if things would have been different if she had spoken up and reported her husband?

I have my own sexual assault stories.  Over the years, God slowly healed me.  It would take too long to explain how that happened. I am not sure why God chose to heal me so slowly instead of all at once.  But I am healed.  I have forgiven them.  It happened a long time ago.  It is past and gone. Forgiven.  Not forgotten, but it is behind me and I am looking ahead.  So what do I think when I hear these stories?  What do I think when I read the articles about someone finally speaking out about something that had happened 20 years previously?

I grieve with them that it ever happened.  I accept that their healing process, their way of dealing with what happened, is not the same as me.  I accept that though I am healed and I have put what happened behind me — not everyone has had the same experience.  Not everyone can say that.  And for some, it is part of their healing, part of their process to put it behind them, to finally speak up and say something.  Even many years later.

Though, I still can’t help thinking of everyone else who also were/are affected by what happened.  What kind of #metoo movement can there be for them?

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Posted October 30, 2018 by Maureen in Christian, Musings

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MISSED?   Leave a comment

Happy New Year!

Over the New Years weekend I drove 7 hours from my sister’s house back to my apartment in another state.  My brother-in-law was in the car with me for half that trip; I was dropping him off at his mother’s so he could drive her to her winter spot in Arizona.

I had asked my church for prayer about the trip, because my brother-in-law is an atheist and I have heard him say some hostile things about Christians.  We were going to be sitting next to each other for 5 hours or so and I asked for prayer about what to say or not say.

To be honest, I had forgotten about the drive with him or the chance to witness to him or talk to him about his beliefs…. until the morning we had to leave.  I had prayed about it ahead of time, but I was having so much fun relaxing and enjoying myself that I forgot all about it until we were on the road.

Once I remembered, I started thinking about what I could say.  How do I bring up the subject of faith, and his own beliefs? In my head, I starting singing that chorus:

Come Holy Spirit, I need thee
Come sweet spirit I pray
Come in thy strength and thy power
Come in thy own special way

And as it turned out… we talked about various things, but faith wasn’t one of them.   And I’ve been wondering ever since if I failed, if I missed an opportunity. Or, if it all happened the way God wanted?  I still don’t know.

One of the reasons I doubt is because I know in myself that I always try to get along with people.  I always try to find some middle ground, some common ground, with them.  I listen to them and I am respectful.  And I think that characteristic in myself means I miss opportunities.

I am the way God created me.  I have always been this way, so I do believe it is the way God wants me to be.  But, I think it is not ALL He wants me to be. I think I can be more.

Posted January 9, 2018 by Maureen in Christian, Randomness

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IMPOSTOR   Leave a comment

I feel like an impostor.  Or a fake.

Thanksgiving weekend has always been a big family weekend for us.  As many as can travel from a tri-state area to spend three days together.  Eating, playing, talking, eating, doing activities.  Eating.  This year I was not looking forward to it.  I am not looking forward to my “first” holiday season without my husband.  I didn’t want the sympathetic looks and the “How ARE you’s” from well-meaning family members.  So many emotions all mashed and roiled around together.

It actually wasn’t too bad.  The distractions of the three days helped a lot I found.  And it was good to see family, to catch up on what everyone is doing (and, at our age, the latest health bulletins).  My niece’s son and daughter are at an especially adorable age and they were clearly having a terrific time with the plethora of cousins and Aunts, Uncles, Great Aunts, and Great Uncles.

I talked and laughed with everyone else.  And felt like an impostor.  I could laugh, but I couldn’t sustain the happy feeling.  I could enjoy activities for a short while, but then I would just watch.  When we saw our cousins they asked after me and time and again I saw “the look”.  This is the look that comes over their face when they have asked after my job and gotten updated and then …. they don’t know what to say.  They can’t ask about Randy since he is gone.  They don’t want to ask how I am since that can bring up strong emotions.  So they falter, and the conversation peters out.   I just waited, giving them a few second, and I would jump in and change the subject or start talking about something else.

And I felt like a fake.  I was totally faking being okay and that I was getting along just fine.  I was an impostor this past weekend.  I wonder how many people I fooled?

Posted November 27, 2016 by Maureen in Married Musings, Memories

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Thankful   Leave a comment

Thursday is Thanksgiving here in the U.S., and it is traditionally a day for getting together with family and eating a lot.  Perhaps watching football.  Thanksgiving has always been a big family weekend for our family.  We get together, as many of us as possible, and spend the weekend together.

This year we will be missing a bunch of people, but those who can will gather and have a traditional turkey feast and then spend two days having fun together doing various things.

I am thankful for that.  I am thankful that I have most of my family still alive, and that they all live on the west coast.  I am thankful that, by and large, we are all healthy.

And I am thankful for my Lord and Savior.  Thank you, God, for your blessings this year. I may not have been as appreciative as you would have liked me to be with the “challenges” you have given me, but I am thankful that you were always right there with me.  Thank you for saving me from my lost life.

What are you thankful for this year?

 

Posted November 26, 2013 by Maureen in Musings

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Blanket Bling   2 comments

My sister bought a panel to make a blanket for her grandson (my great-nephew) for his naps at day care.  She asked me to add some embroidery bling to it.  I’ve been toiling away at it all week.  Not really – embroidery is very relaxing.

I used only a few stitches.  This blanket will be used daily and washed, so the stitches had to be sturdy and stand up to wear.  I used back-stitch and a bit of satin stitch.  Some french knots for accents.  The umbrella is done in long and short.  I also used enroaching stem stitch a lot.  It looks nice, and stands up well to wear and tear.  The egg has whipped running stitch and couching stitches.  I also added accents to the pre-printed designs, such as the insect.  You may not be able to see all the details, but here is a sample of what I did.

U is for.... umbrella W is for.... watermelon

 
 

O is for... octopus and H is for... house

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

S is for..... sun and K is for... key

 

T is for.... tie and L is for.... ladder

Z is for... zipper and E is for.... egg

Posted October 30, 2011 by Maureen in Art (if you wanna call it that), DIY

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What Does Love Look Like?   Leave a comment

The dinner where my boyfriend met some of my siblings went …………… really well.  Great food (even if I do say so myself) and everyone got along well.  He really enjoyed himself, and everyone liked him.

I asked a girlfriend recently how I could know when it was the right time to give my whole heart.  How could I know someone was “the one”?  How can I be sure I’m in love?

She said you couldn’t hold back due to doubts or thinking about it too much.  You just had to plunge forward.  Yikes!  A person could really get hurt doing that!  A person could also get really hurt holding back and not making a commitment.  Singleness is no refuge from hurt, nor is a relationship, nor is marriage.

What does love look like?  I think it looks very ordinary and everyday.  Laundry and grocery lists and what brand of toothpaste to buy and daily ups and downs.  Except when it looks like fireworks going off over a small cloth-covered table bathed in candlelight with a sumptuous meal and two people playing footsie under the table, laughing and talking together.

Posted October 18, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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Cue Dramatic Music   Leave a comment

I’m having my boyfriend meet some of my siblings this weekend.  The last time I had a boy friend meet my family was….. in 1978.  Yup – not kidding.

He’s not at all nervous, and neither am I.  It is just time that I get other people’s opinions of this great man I’ve met.  Will they think he’s as wonderful as I do, even with his his flaws (and mine)?  We’ll see.

Posted October 13, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single

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