Archive for the ‘dreams’ Tag

Dream/Awake   Leave a comment

The news has been so bad lately I hate to look at any web page, check Facebook, or turn on the TV.  It hurts my heart, all this violence.

Today I wrote this poem.  It was especially hard to wake up from my dream this morning, which inspired this poem.

THAT PLACE BETWEEN DREAMING AND WAKING

Am I still asleep?  I feel like I am still dreaming.

I can remember details, and want

to find out

what comes next.

But, the day intrudes.

I hear the fan; I hear the train;

there goes my alarm, and it is not part of my dream.

My dream melds and mingles with the start of my day.

 

Struggling to climb up from the

soft pleasant wallow of my dream

I hold onto the threads

remembering the details.

Thinking to myself:

I hope I dream that again

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Posted July 8, 2016 by Maureen in Memories, Musings, Poems, Uncategorized

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Dreams Unfulfilled   1 comment

Two bloggers I follow recently wrote of their separate searches to get back to what was really important in their lives, and what their passions were.  They had gotten off track, had drifted away, and made compromises and excuses along the way and were not following their original passions.

Each blogger’s experience was unique and they each wrote about their experiences very well.  Both have continued to blog about how well (or not) they are changing things so their original passions are more at the forefront of their lives and priorities.

I applaud their efforts and desires.  The big difference between them and me?  They are not Christians. It got me thinking of my own original passions.  Do you know – not one of them has been fulfilled.  Not one of them has come to pass.

A dream, a passion I have had for as long as I can remember, was to be a philanthropist.  I have never had enough money to do that, though I have given where and when I could.

Another deep-help passion of mine has been to train and raise service dogs.  I have never owned a dog.  Until the past 7 years, I never lived in a place where I could even have a dog.  I am now married to a man who prefers cats — he doesn’t want a dog.

One other long-held dream of mine was to become a camerawoman.  Maybe not on movies at exotic locations; maybe just a TV show.  But I was always very interested in doing that job.  That, too, I have never done.

I dedicated many years of my life to raising my son.  After he was killed I did fulfill a long-term dream of mine and worked toward my B.A. degree.  It took me 7 1/2 years, but I paid for it myself while working full time and graduated suma cum laude.  I have pursued and gotten jobs I wanted.  I have traveled and I have hobbies, some of which I am pretty good at.

I encourage and applaud anyone who pursues a dream or passion.  Even one they have to take up after perhaps leaving it behind for a long time.  I have talked to God about my dreams and passions.  And I am convinced that though I may never know why, I can rest assured that God’s plan for my life was best for me and there were reasons why I never became a philanthropist, dog trainer, or camerawoman.  God was with me every step of the way through all the things I have done and learned and the interests and hobbies and passions I have pursued during my life.

I am content with what I have and the goals I have reached.  God is good — all the time.  His plan is best for me.  What about you?

Posted February 13, 2016 by Maureen in Christian, Musings

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What Do I Want To Be When I Grow Up?   Leave a comment

For many years I’ve told people I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up.  Through my 30’s and into my 40’s and 50’s I would say this.  And it was true.

I had plans when I was a teenager.  Dreams.  My very first dream was to be a philanthropist.  Yup – I wanted to give money away.  I still think that would be the best, the coolest, the most awesome job in the whole entire world.  Sadly, God did not bless me with lots of money to give away.  So instead of many very large scale give-aways, I’ve been doing very small scale give-aways as I am able.

Other dreams included being a cameraman (woman), a helicopter pilot, a writer, an artist, and training therapy dogs.  And yet – I’ve never done any of those things.  Dabbled, yes.  A little here and there, yes.  But I have made my living in much different ways since I was 17 years old.

You hear and/or read all the time (well, I do) about people who chucked everything to follow their dream at (fill in the blank of an age, usually over 50).  Or they retired, and finally fulfilled their dream to (fill in the blank, usually a college education).  And I say – good for them!  Kudos!  Well done!

But I feel no need to do that for myself.  I don’t feel loss that I am not a great photographer or writer or artist.  I don’t regret that I’ve never owned a dog or have only ridden once in a helicopter.  No, I am content and satisfied with how God has lead me in my journey.  He has always known best, and I have been happy to let Him guide me and lead me along the path of His will.

What dreams do you have?

Posted November 5, 2015 by Maureen in Musings

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When to give up a dream   Leave a comment

What was your plan or dream as a child?  Did you know what you wanted to do in life?  Did you aspire to be something, or do something?  Did you have more than one dream or plan for yourself?

Yeah — how’d that turn out for you?

For me — my life is nothing like I had ever thought it would be.  That of course does not mean I have a bad life.  It is …. just not what I had ever wanted.

I’ve had to let go of some dreams lately.  I don’t think my dreams were unrealistic or far-fetched.  But somehow, some way, I believe they were not in God’s plan for me. 

How do I know this?  Well, God did not speak audibly or in some other revelatory way reveal it to me.  But I have prayed and thought long and hard about these dreams.  And now, years later, when it would be much harder but not impossible to fulfil those dreams, I still am not close to achieving them.

Have you ever tried to help God?  You know what I mean.  You are just so sure that …… oh for instance that God would want you to have a brand new car.  You have wanted a new car, dreamed of a new car, talked about a new car, researched new cars, and you are  convinced that God wants you to have a new car.  It is His plan for you to have a new car.  So you try to buy one, and they won’t give it to you because your debt to income is too high.  You tried to ‘help’ God.

Remember when Abram was promised a child, and year after year after lonely year went by and he and Sarai did not have any children?  And so they tried to ‘help’ God by having Abram have a baby with Sarai’s slave.  And that’s just one Biblical example of how someone tried to help bring about God’s will.

Sometimes God has brought circumstances into my life where I have been in a position that I wanted and sought after.  That I felt I was fully qualified for.  That I just knew I could be good at.  And God revealed to me through a  process that the position I had sought after, climbed towards, yearned for …… was not right for me.  I don’t know if God works that way with all people, but He does with me.  Maybe it is just because I can be a slow learner, and He knows just what will work with me to reveal His will and plan for me.

One dream I have had, as far as I remember all my life, is to be married.  I truly do want to be married, and I think — I know — I will make a good wife.  That is not a dream I have let go of.  My boyfriend and I are still going strong and are totally monogamously committed to each other.  My hope and prayer is for us to continue in our relationship in marriage.  Time will tell on that dream.

I don’t trust in plans or dreams.  I trust in God, who has proven Himself faithful in my life.  His plans are for my best.  I can trust Him to know what is best and want what is best for me.  So, while it is with a sense of loss and a pang in my heart, I have let a couple of dreams slip away.  It is the right thing to do; but it does come with a sense of loss.

Posted May 21, 2012 by Maureen in Christian, Musings

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Moon Poems   2 comments

Its July again.  Two years ago I was inspired by the full moon (as I often am) and wrote a poem and randomly posted it on Craigslist.  Not to solicit any responses —- I just wanted to share it.  One man wrote back a poem of his own as a response to my poem.  I returned with a poem response.  And for the next two days we wrote, in poem, back and forth to each other.  Whew!  Then we emailed and talked on the phone and exchanged pictures.  Alas!  He had recently ended a marriage and his emotional and financial toll from that were just too much for him to overcome – he didn’t feel he could get involved in a relationship.  That was 2 years ago, and I still think of him.  So Javier G., wherever you are, I hope you are healed and happy and have everything paid off.  These poems were amazing and I still think of you fondly.

My poem starts out:

Almost-full moon
Shining through the clouds
Big and bright, so close
Reflected in the smooth waves
Your light warms the early morning
So lovely
So enchanting
So romantic
Too bad I’m stuck in my car, commuting, alone

The moon is now past full,
and yet it’s beauty will persist.
It’s rays of light sneaking in at night,
to spy upon your sleeping form.
They very well may kiss you,
and make you stir while in your sleep.
A dream perhaps? A memory?

Moonlight through the window
Filtered by the trees
Moonlight to greet me
From the front steps
Standing in the moonlight
Fabric fluttering, feet cold
Was that you who kissed me?
Or was it the moonlight?

The glory and the honor were not mine,
of having placed my lips upon your body.
Mere mortals such as I only wish and dream,
of having such a privilege.
Twas the moon or a spirit of the night,
which has given you such pleasure

 Tossing, turning
Awakened in the dark
I heard a voice
A brush against my cheek
Moon lover
Moon kisser
The light you shine pierces my dreams
Dreams of mortals and dancing
Dreams of sighing and smiling
Contented, I curl alone in warmth

The voice you heard was but a dream,
of which you wish reality.
It made you move while in you sleep,
and yet you felt awakened.
In the morning you then smiled,
at the irony and the loneliness.

When will I sleep again
and meet my moon kisser,
my moon lover?
Will he come this night?
Or will the memories of
his voice and kisses be all
the comfort I will have
in my loneliness?
I sit gazing at the waning moon
and wonder

Just close your eyes and sleep my dear,
and he shall come when not expected.
You may not see or feel his presence,
but he shall be above you.
Looking down upon your beauty,
wishing so to reach and touch your face.

Now I shall sleep
with outstretched arms
waiting to hold my moon lover.
And open my eyes to see him gazing
I smile and beckon him nearer.
He fades away until I see
only moonlight on my ceiling
and just a whisper in my ear
of his voice calling “Beloved”.
I turn my face and go to sleep
and wait
for my moon kisser

Oh dear sweet Lady,
why entice me so?
To think your body so,
laying upon your lair,
has a passion so aroused in me.
I so wish to be the spirit,
stealing through the window.
With my breath, perhaps with lips,
I would your face caress.
and hope to not awaken thee.
For in your dream,
I would the perfect lover be.

Moon lover, moon kisser
your approach must be like moonlight
Slowly waxing
day by day growing
Until the night and all in it know no other
until the night knows only the moon, full and shining bright
To grow too bright
to chase away the darkness too quickly
is to burn out before time
losing the darkness
and everything in it
That waits for the moon
and the promises and kisses and touches
it brings

Should I be like the Moonlight?
Working in silence?
Or like the Sun?
Bringing nature’s music,
and pleasant memories?
O may I be bold enough to be both?
And spend the whole day watching you?

Posted July 3, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Poems

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Close, but no cigar   2 comments

I’ve been sick and then went out of town lately, but my “adventures in singleness” continue!  Just this week I had two experiences that perfectly illustrate the trials and tribulations of dating.

I had been talking with one man who found me very attractive and made that clear, but longer we talked online the more it became apparent that what he was really interested in was a sexual relationship. He was ok if that would last for months, but in the end he’d be moving on to the next lady.  No thanks, buddy.

The second guy was someone I seemed to have a lot in common with.  I was within his age range and he appealed to me.  I sent him my picture and never heard from him again.  What. The. H***?!?!?!  You can’t be man enough to say something like “Thanks for the picture, but I prefer (fill in the blank) ladies.”  (Younger, taller, fatter. skinnier, black hair, blonde hair, asian, hispanic….. whatever it might be)  You can’t even be man enough, polite enough, to say that to me??  No thanks, buddy.

Last night I had a dream where I was walking through shallow, clear running water.  Which is a good thing in a dream.  In the same dream I also spilled a cup of coffee, and I still haven’t quite figured out what that means.  The search for a husband continues….

Posted June 17, 2011 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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