Archive for the ‘dating’ Tag

SF Dude Dating Story   Leave a comment

I have been writing a lot lately.  Not on this blog (obviously).  I’ve been writing a book.  Actually, the story I wanted to tell turned out to be so long it ended up being two books.  It was a very gratifying, fun process to go through.  I truly loved every minute of it.  I have no idea what (if anything) I will be doing with my two books.  I’m still waiting on God to lead me.  In the meantime, I have started on the next one.  I am just having so much fun writing Christian romances!

But today I wanted to share another dating of my stories with you.  This one took place last year, when I went through a brief time where I thought I’d try internet dating again.  It is super hard to find a true Christian man, on an internet dating site, that lives in my general area.  But on this particular site I met a man who said he lived in San Francisco.  Let’s call him Bob (not his real name).  According to what he said, he lived about 30 minutes from me, which is terrific.  We exchanged some emails and then, as is usual, our personal phone numbers.

I was getting some mixed signals from him and I wasn’t sure about him. But, I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt, since that is how I like to be treated.  And I hadn’t gotten a clear answer from God about him, so I continued to casually talk to him.  My more-recent strategy when I meet men is to talk about God.  Keep the focus on God, on my faith, my church, reading the Bible, etc.  A true Christian man will not mind this.  Someone who is not a true Christian might parrot some things back to me, but they will not be able to hide the fact they are not true Christians for long.

At one point we agreed via email that I would call him when I got home one night.  I was still feeling pretty unsure about him.  It was about 6:15pm or so when my phone rang.  It was Bob.  He wanted to know (well, it was more of a demand) why I hadn’t called him yet?  Hadn’t we agreed that I would call him?  He’d been waiting for my call.  I was taken aback.  I told him I did remember I was going to call him, but it was 6:15pm and I had only gotten home about 7 minutes prior to that.  After that he calmed down.  It was during that conversation that he told me he does not go to church every Sunday.  He “likes to sleep in”, and so he doesn’t go every Sunday.

If you are a true Christian man, you go to church every Sunday.  That fact, combined with a bunch of other little clues, started me drawing back from Bob.  Another red flag for me was that, at this point we had been emailing for a week.  At no time during that time did he ever once offer to meet me or pick me up so we could meet in person.  If you only live 30 minutes away from someone, generally you want to meet them right away.  He didn’t make excuses about it – he just didn’t offer to meet me.

The next day he seemed to kick his anxiety and hovering into high gear.  I got a phone call at 11:30pm, which I did not answer.  The next day he wanted to know why I didn’t answer.  He wanted to hear my voice before he went to bed, he told me.  I told him I go to bed before 10:00pm and his call woke me up.  I got text after text from him during the day.  He wanted me to go on Google Hangouts so we could instant message during the day.  I told him our network at work wouldn’t allow that, and that I couldn’t do it even if I could, since I was, you know, working.  The next day the text messages were just as bad. I asked him to stop since I was at work, and he just kept asking me to instant message him.

So I sent Bob a text message, telling him that because he didn’t go to church every Sunday like I did, I did not think we were compatible.  I thanked him for his time and wished him good luck on his continued search.  He was surprised and started to argue with me.  I blocked him on my phone and email.  I couldn’t block him, per se, on the dating web site.  He left me a hateful message there, so I deleted my account.

I don’t normally break off with someone via text messaging, nor do I recommend it.  In his particular case, he was showing no respect for my boundaries or feelings, and I had no qualms about doing it.  I hope he can find someone, but for me – it is just me and God. Unless or until He sends a true Godly man to me, if that is God’s will for me.

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Posted June 3, 2019 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian

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Both to Blame   Leave a comment

Here is another story from my dating days.  I was recalling recently a small thing that happened about 7 years ago.  The church I was attending was having a missions dinner.  We were going to have several missionaries and a guest speaker.  It was going to be a dinner and an auction, and I signed up as a helper.  I love missions dinners, and I was looking forward to this one.  You never knew where you might meet someone, right?  And what better place to meet them than at church!

So there was lots of planning and setup, and then the guests started to arrive.  Of course there were lots of people I knew, but some I didn’t know.  There were people arriving and groups would form and then dissolve and new groups would form, while people greeted and met people.

I was standing in a group of men I knew and there was a man I hadn’t met in the group.  He was good looking and he looked to be around my age. so I smiled big and greeted him to the dinner.  I don’t remember exactly what was said, but his reaction caught me totally by surprise.  He said something along the lines of, “I’ll be sitting at a table with others from my church,” which he said to the group of us, looking around, and then looked straight at me and said, “With my WIFE.”  He said the last very forcefully, and loudly.

I was embarrassed.  Embarrassed that I had been that obvious in my interest in him, and embarrassed that he was reacting so strongly to my 3 seconds of interest.  Everyone in the group got a little uncomfortable, and he just kept staring at me intensely.  I excused myself and found some little jobs to do.

I happened to be sitting at a table way across the room from the table he was sitting at.  That wasn’t planned, it just happened that way.  Since I was a helper, there were times during the night I would get up and move around the room.  Every time I did I could feel his intense gaze on me.  It wasn’t a glare, but it was defensive.  It creeped me out a little.  Did he really think I was going to make a move on him or something?   That he was so irresistible that I would go over and flirt with him, with his wife right there?  At church?!  I kept my eyes away from that part of the room.

The evening was fun, the food was good, and the auction was also fun.  One of the things we auctioned off were the centerpieces at each table.  At the end of the auction, the volunteers went around and gathered up the centerpieces.  It happened that I ended up on the side of the room where he was sitting. He kept an eagle eye on me while I was walking around.  He didn’t look at anyone else, he didn’t watch anyone else, he kept his eyes on me.  “Honestly!” I thought.  “Just how big is his ego?”  I went to his table and he leaned over and put his arm around his wife, still not taking his eyes off me.

Without making eye contact with anyone at the table I picked up the centerpiece on the table. He kept leaning to the side with his arm around his wife’s shoulders, watching me.  I walked away and then stayed away from that side of the room during what was left of the night.

So yes – it was quite the ego on him to think I would pursue him after he had clearly told me he had a wife.  And yes – I obviously came on too strong when I said hello to him; I made my interest too well known.  We were both to blame.

Posted March 30, 2019 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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RESURRECTION   Leave a comment

I heard a Christian song recently, and part of the chorus went like this:

“The resurrected King is resurrecting me”

That is what I have been feeling lately.  I feel, almost, ready to perhaps start dating again.  Which is quite a revelation for me and I am still surprised by it.

The reason I’m feeling a bit like a resurrected being is that, for the first time in my life, I am living alone and I will perhaps be starting to date.  I’ll be 59 years old pretty soon, so you would think I would have experienced this already.  But no.  I had my son to raise that was living with me most of the time, up until his death.  Right after that, I spent 7 1/2 years being single and living alone, it was true, but I was not looking to date.  I was working full time, going to school part-time (and sometimes full time) and volunteering at my church.  I didn’t have time to see my girlfriends, let alone date anyone.

Then a few months after I graduated, I moved into my sister’s house.  My sister who really wasn’t happy with me dating.  Sharing a house with 3 others made it awkward to have a date over.  The other reason I feel resurrected is that, also for the first time in my life, if I date again I will be only looking for a true Godly man for a husband.  I’ve been a born-again Christian for over 30 years, but remember for most of that I was either 1) a mom or 2) not looking and not dating.  I realized I had no idea what dating a true Godly man was like.  I can’t say I have ever had a date with a true Godly man – ever – in my life.  I have no prior experience to guide me.

What a strange place to find myself in at my age!  I am moving very slowly and cautiously on this, with a lot of prayer and thought.

Posted March 12, 2018 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian

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Were We Dating?   Leave a comment

I haven’t posted a story from my old dating days in a while.  I have no desire to date at present, still being very much in love with my dear departed husband.  But this dating story is from at least 15 years ago, way before I met my wonderful Randy.

I had met Mitchell (not his real name) through a friend.  He was a friend of her boyfriend at the time.  My friend told me a bit about Mitchell, in retrospect I figured it was probably a way to get me interested in him.  Mitchell had been dating a girl for several months and apparently she had been pressuring him to have sex.  He wanted to take things slowly and date more, but the way I was told the story was she pressured him and so he gave in and had sex with her. And she promptly dumped him.  So, he was hurting and sad.

The first few times I met Mitchell were in group settings and it was all very casual and no pressure.  I talked with him but didn’t spend all my time with him, nor he with me.  He was not bad looking, and he seemed like a nice guy.  Had his own house and business.  He just didn’t do anything for me, really.  I didn’t get any red flags – I just wasn’t attracted to him.

At some point (the details are a bit fuzzy after all this time) he started calling me.  Now up to this point our interaction and contact had all been friendly and casual.  So when he started calling I really didn’t think much of it.  It would be pretty short conversations – maybe 7-10 minutes long. “How was your day?” kind of thing.  This went on for maybe a week or so.  Then one night on the phone he asked if he could stop by that Saturday night.  I thought, “Why not?”

He came by the apartment I was living in at the time, which was actually about 4 minutes from where he lived.  We sat in the living room on different pieces of furniture and he asked if there was anything on TV that we could watch.  The only thing I could find was an old Elvis movie, which we watched all the way through.  We barely talked the whole time and the movie was so…. bad.  Ug.  I’m not a big Elvis fan, and this was not a good movie.  When it was over I was thinking how I could ask him to leave and he got up and said goodnight, and as he was going out the door he said, “Next time, let’s talk some more.”  And I said, “Okay!” cheerfully while ushering him out the door, and it wasn’t until I closed the door that I thought, “Next time?  There’s going to be a next time?  Huh??”

Then I started thinking of our nightly conversations, and wondered if he was interested in me.  (I know, seems obvious now, looking back.  But honestly he was so casual about everything I didn’t know.)  The nightly short phone calls continued.  One night I got home a bit early and decided to call him first.  He was obviously surprised when he answered the phone and it was me.  So I went through the same routine he had been using – “How was your day?” kind of thing.  Near the end of the conversation, hesitantly, he asked me if I minded calling him.  I said, “No, not at all.  Sometimes I call my friends, sometimes my friends call me.”  He kind of stuttered at that, and we said good night.

We met two more times for activities together, and at neither of those times did I have the slightest clue (from his body language or words) that he was interested in me other than just a casual friend.  He had multiple opportunities to hold my hand, put his arm on my shoulders, say something affectionate to me, etc.  He gave me no indication he was physically attracted to me.  It was like dating my brother.

Later, as months passed and I thought about that time, I think I figured out what was going on.  I also had one or two conversations with my girlfriend about all this that filled in some clues.  I think that, because of the abrupt breakup he had experienced with the other lady, and thinking he had gone too far too fast, he wanted to pull back and take his time with the next girl he was interested in.  He wanted to make sure he didn’t jump into anything too fast.  The problem was, in the end, he went so slowly and carefully I truly didn’t realize he thought we were dating.

I thought back over our months of … interactions?  Friendship?  Communication?  Whatever you want to call it.  I thought about it and wondered if I had done or said anything wrong, and wondered if I could have done something differently.  I should have talked with him about it.  I should have been upfront with him that while I liked him as a person and he was fine as a friend, I wasn’t romantically interested in him.  Lesson learned!  But that is the story of how I dated someone without knowing, really, until afterwards, that we were dating.

Posted July 27, 2017 by Maureen in Being Single, Memories, Musings

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Busy Time of Year   Leave a comment

I am getting over a cold.  I’m at the nagging cough/still blowing my nose stage.  Still just a bit “sick”, but recovering.  I am also super super busy at work.  I started a new job (same place, different position) in September and previously this had been one of my quiet times.  Nope – not anymore.  I am busier than a one-armed paper hanger.

But – I do have my Christmas shopping done.  (Please don’t hate me)  I had to get it done Thanksgiving weekend – I just didn’t have time otherwise.

Last weekend my sweetheart and I took a long-anticipated dinner out to a very expensive, Michelin-rated restaurant to celebrate out future life together.  I bought a dress and new shoes.  He had been there before (when he had a job making lots of money) but I had never been.  As each delicious plate or bowl was brought to us, we feasted slowly, savoring all the flavors and spices.  Then our main course was brought (a shared bone-in rib eye steak) and we went silent, savoring the seasoned meat that seemed to melt in our mouths.  I smiled, watching him, as he closed his eyes and chewed, enjoying every mouthful.

“Normally, I would say to someone, ‘Kill me now – I can die happy now that I’ve had this meal'”, my sweetheart said to me.  “But now I know that I won’t truly be happy until we are married.”

It was the perfect highlight to that evening.

Blessings on you as you go through this busy time.  Remember the joy.  Joy that did not depend on circumstances or personal situations.  Remember how heaven rejoiced at the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Posted December 10, 2014 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian, DIY

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Fast, or Slow?   Leave a comment

How long does it take you to decide if a relationship is “right”?  When does that point come when you decide that that person is worth getting to know, worth spending time with?

Are you a fast decider, or slow?  And is one better than the other?

We’ve all heard of people falling in love at first sight.  Do you know anyone that happened to?  I don’t.  That doesn’t mean I think it can’t happen, though.  I’ve heard of people who do a lot of dating that can tell after the first date.  I’ve never had a first date that good — have you?

I know myself pretty well by now and I know that I either decide fast, or I take a long time.  Yes, I know that is contradictory.  I’m a woman, what can I say?  I have enough common sense and intelligence to take my time to make up my mind…. but I also have ADD.  Which can mean I am impulsive.  So sometimes I leap before I look.

In relationships…. I have done both.  I have decided fast, and I have decided slow.  And you know, both choices have not always worked out well for me.  Maybe everyone has their own speed, their own comfort zone for deciding on relationship matters.  What about you?  Are you fast, or slow?

 

Posted September 23, 2014 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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Defend Your Woman   Leave a comment

I was recently turned down for a job I applied for where I work.  It was almost exactly the same job I do now, but in a different area and of course for a different person.  I was 100% qualified for it.  The manager who was to be my boss had made it clear he would like to work with me.  And I didn’t get the job.

It was actually 2 ½ months between the time I had sent in my application until I actually heard I did not get the job, and I had gone through a full gamut of emotions over the process.  By the time I was told by the manager he had hired someone else, I was resigned to the fact that I would not get the job.

I dropped quick emails to a couple of family members who had been waiting to hear how it turned out, and also to my boyfriend.  And then I got back to work.

That night, when I talked with my boyfriend on the phone, it was the usual, “Hi Honey – how are you?”  I said I was fine, or something like that, and he said, “I’m doing terrible – and I don’t know why you aren’t either”.

At first I honestly didn’t know what he was talking about.  Then he started to tell me how angry he was for me that I didn’t get the job.  He wanted me to complain to the union.  He wanted me to leave the union.  He was upset and angry that I was being treated in a way he felt wasn’t right.  He wanted me to leave and go somewhere else.  He was fed up and frustrated – all on my account.

One of the things I have learned in having an atheist boyfriend is that his reactions and opinions are sometimes different from the way I think I should act.  Or do.  And this was one of those times.  His ideas on what I should do were not unrealistic or unreasonable – in fact they were well thought out and what many people would consider well within the bounds of what I was entitled to as an employee and union member.

But I am guided always by how I think my Savior would want me to say, or act, or think.  I did listen to all my boyfriend had to say.  I loved that he was that upset for me. But I did not want to follow his suggestions, and he was ok with that.  It was after all my choice and I was the one who would be most impacted by my actions.  So, after having his say, he left it to me to make the decision.

I am blessed to have someone who feels so strongly for me, and that cares about me so much and would not hesitate to stand up for me.

Posted July 17, 2014 by Maureen in Musings

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