Archive for the ‘blessing’ Tag

DEEP POOL   Leave a comment

I am not one to make New Year’s resolutions, as I’ve posted here before.  But this year I seem led to seek God’s will and plan and purpose for my life to a level I have not experienced before.  I want to live the way He wants me to live, and be the kind of light that He wants me to be, where He has placed me.

As I was praying today I thought about a deep pool.  Picture a tall hillside.  It is rocky, but covered densely in trees and brush.  There is a tall waterfall, seeming to come down from heaven.  It is falling straight into a natural pool.  The pool is wide and deep, and at the far end where it narrows a bit, the water spills out into another waterfall that falls into another pool, which falls into another pool, and so on.

The first waterfall is the presence of God, His blessings, the empowerment of God to me.  He pours down His wisdom, his discernment, his knowledge.  His blessings flow, and His peace, and His grace.  The water is His love and patience (oh, so much patience!) flowing down, pouring into the pool.  The water is the presence of the Holy Spirit, the gifts and fruits of the Holy Spirit.  The pool holds the water, swirls all of it around, and embraces it between the banks.  But it does not keep all this.  No, all those things make their way to the far end of the pool, where they find an opening, an outlet, and flow and splash down to others.

As I was praying today I saw the pool, and the waterfall, and the other waterfalls flowing down.  And I pictured myself in the pool.  I’m not a good swimmer, but in my prayer I was swimming down, deeper in the pool.  I embraced the water all around me, going deeper.  I could feel the water pressing in and the purity of it as I went deeper.  Though I was deep, I wasn’t afraid.  Though I was deep, it wasn’t too dark.  I could look up, and through the grace and love and peace and wisdom and blessings I was surrounded by, and I could see the light above.

And I wanted to go deeper still.  I think I will get there.  Maybe not this year, but someday.  In the Narnia series of books that C.S. Lewis wrote, in the last book, after the characters have entered Aslan’s land (though they don’t know it yet), one of them states “Further up and further in!”  I have always remembered that phrase. It is what I feel led to do.  Go further up in my walk; go further in, closer to God.

Posted January 24, 2017 by Maureen in Christian, Musings, Randomness

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Feelin’ what I’m feelin’   Leave a comment

A couple of Sundays ago we had a real move of the Holy Spirit at church, and I came away feeling just a tiny bit better as far as my grief goes.

By the grace of God (which I do not deserve) and His blessing (which I also do not deserve) I will be moving to a smaller apartment next month.  It is in the same complex I’m in now — in fact, it is 10 steps away from where I live now.  My rent will go down $800 a month, which is a HUGE help here in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Have I said yet that I don’t deserve this?

When people ask how I am my standard response is “I’m still breathing in and out.”  I know, as a Christian, I’m supposed to be saying something like, “Oh, I feel blessed!” or, “I feel good in the Lord today!” or something like that.  And I may get there some day.  But not today.  And probably not tomorrow.

So until then, I keep breathing in and out.

Posted August 13, 2016 by Maureen in Christian, Married Musings, Randomness

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Still Breathing In and Out   Leave a comment

My husband’s service was last Saturday.  For days beforehand, and all day that day until 1:00 pm I kept saying to myself, “I DON’T want to do this!”  But I did.  Because he was only going to get one memorial service, and I wanted to do it right.  And it was done right.  It was a fitting, moving, unique memorial of his life and the person he was.  And we had lots of food afterwards, which he would have enjoyed very much.

I was totally spent the next day.  And the day after, truth be told.  Not only sad and feeling the loss, but drained from all the emotions of Saturday.  And yet God gave me strength.  He gives me strength.  Just enough to get through each day.

On the Friday before the memorial, my little sister sent me flowers via FedEx.  It was a dozen of the same kind of orchids I had in my wedding bouquet.  I burst into tears when I opened the package.  Sad, but also very happy memories.  I so appreciated her doing that, and remembering me and my husband that way.  Monday, after a long day and being very very tired emotionally and physically, I got an email out of the blue from the property management company that runs the apartment complex where I live.  “Maureen,” the email said, “we don’t want you to worry about anything.  Next month we’ve taken $1,000 off your rent.”  Who DOES that?  I never asked them to do something like that — never even thought to ask for that.  But God knew.  God does stuff like that.

I saw a friend at work this week.  She had never met my husband, but she knew me and had been very happy about my engagement and then marriage.  She gave me a sad smile, and then just hugged me. That’s it.  She didn’t say anything, she just gave me a big hug.  I’ve had people at church come up and take my hand and tell me, “I know what you are going through – I lost my spouse.”  And that is all they say.  Just that.  That is all that is needed.

I’ve been getting cards in the mail from people.  I know a couple that have been missionaries to orphans and widows all over the world.  They have a terrific ministry and I have been on three missions trips with their group.  I know them personally and have been in their home.  They sent me a lovely card …. and a check for $100.

I’m moving from strength to strength, taking each day in whatever sized chunk I can handle at a time.  Resting in God’s grace and His foundation.

Posted April 29, 2016 by Maureen in Christian, Married Musings

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