Hiding? Or Just Okay?   Leave a comment

I recently watched half of an hour-long TV show, waiting for the show I wanted to watch to come on.  I don’t remember the name of the show; I had never watched it before.  It took place in a hospital.  A older woman was brought in and it turned out her husband had died over a year prior, and at that time (it was a car crash, and she was in the car) she got paralyzed from the waist down.  But now she was starting to feel things in her legs again.

She was a woman of faith and believed that God was healing her, and that all glory and praise should go to Him for her getting feeling back in her legs.  The doctors told her, however, that there was no reason for her paralysis in the first place and that she always had the ability to walk.  Basically, her being paralyzed was her way of putting off dealing with the death of her husband.

And I wondered: Is that me?  This year especially I have been very busy at work, almost all the time.  It is tiring and stressful, but it has also felt like a God-send. It helps me get through each day, and helps take my mind off how much I miss my wonderful husband.

Am I in denial?  Will I wake up one day and feel different?  Have I been stuffing my feelings into the background and busying myself with other things so I don’t have to think about Randy’s death?

I think ….. not. I have already been through devastating loss, when my son was murdered in 2000.  I know about shock, and slowly going through the stages of grief. I know about coming to grips with my loss. I know about thinking of my loss and how it affects me and my life, and I know about facing it.

I don’t believe I am in denial about Randy’s death.  My tears are testament to the fact that I am not denying my feelings.   So, I keep going on.  Trying to be the light that God wants me to be.  Trying to find ways I can shine for Jesus.

I hope this season finds you shining out for God, and receiving blessings in return.

Posted December 15, 2017 by Maureen in Christian, Musings

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