SOMETIMES I JUST GIVE UP
Poor widow, her husband died.
Lots of prayers and cards and visits and meals.
A memorial service, phone calls, emails, condolences.
Empty house, empty bed, empty heart.
Keep busy, widow.
Keep working, take care of yourself,
do the shopping, cooking, cleaning …
all by yourself.
Keep busy, widow.
Go outside, talk to people, go to church,
do your hobbies, reconnect with friends,
pet the cats, feed the cats, groom the cats,
do your job; stay busy, busy, busy.
Sometimes … I just give up.
It is just too hard to maintain the façade.
I can’t do it. The grief, the loss is just
too overwhelming.
Sometimes … I just give up.
I stay home. Don’t drive. Don’t talk to anyone.
I stay in my PJs. I cry, and cry, and cry.
I go back to bed. I immerse myself in a book
or a TV show or stupid computer games;
anything, anything so I don’t have to think
about how much I desperately miss my most
wonderful husband.
Sometimes … I just give up.
I get so tired of people saying I’m strong.
No, I am NOT strong!
I don’t know what you see, but you
don’t see me if you think I am strong.
My only strength, my only source, is my Lord
God Almighty. I can do nothing without Him.
He wants me to stay, He wants me to carry on.
He wants me to work as if I’m working for Him,
and shine my light for Him and be the best
person I can, for Him.
But sometimes … I just give up.
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