Struggle   Leave a comment

Every day since my most wonderful husband passed away has been a struggle.  I feel like I am in a horrible, deja-vu, unreal nightmare.

I met with my Pastor this week and we went over the service and also where tables would be laid out for the reception.  It made me so sad.  I kept saying to myself, “I don’t want to do this.  I don’t want to do this.”  And yet – this is the only memorial service My Randy will have.  I want to do it right.  So I made decisions and I made choices and I am doing the things I have to do.

I will have to move out of our apartment, which has caused a lot of stress and anxiety in me.  Our property management company is being very nice and accommodating and I won’t have to move until this summer.  I have been reminded again of how God has always looked after me and taken care of me.  He has always provided, just what I needed, when I need it.  Sometimes my flesh gets in the way and I stress or get anxious, but the steady, unchanging, persistent love of God never leaves me and I find myself resting on that rock.

I don’t want to be a widow. I don’t want to be alone.  I want my Randy back.  But things don’t always turn out the way we want them.  Things happen, life changes, time moves on.  I just cling to my rock, and hold onto my faith in the great creator and provider, and I get by day by day.

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Posted April 16, 2016 by Maureen in Married Musings

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