FORGIVENESS   Leave a comment

I recently sat down and talked with one of my sisters about two things that she had said and done that really hurt me.  It was hard for me.  Our family does not share feelings among ourselves.  We were taught well by our parents not to.  We have the feelings, and I’m sure all my siblings have people in their life they can share those feelings with.  We just don’t often share them with each other.

I don’t know if I am unique in this, but when something (or someone) makes me mad or hurt, the deeper I feel hurt or mad, the longer it takes for me to be able to talk about it.  I know from past experience that I have to really think through my feelings and not start talking about them right away.  If I do, it turns into incoherent, disjointed, and non-logical emotional rambling (or even raving) that leaves everyone confused and me feeling horrible with no resolution.  I don’t stew about it – I process it.  Examine myself and my motives.  Pinpoint my feelings and why I’m feeling that way.  Think about and pray about my response.

This one sister had hurt me very deeply on Christmas day.  Yes, that means I took about 5 months to process.  Like I said – I was hurt deeply.  Once I got over the worst of my hurt and also got past the self-righteous aspect of my feelings (“She had no right!  She was in the wrong!”) I was able to spend time asking God what I could have or should have done differently, and what my response should be.  Miscommunications and hurt are very seldom only one person’s fault, and if I was in any way at fault I wanted to own that and admit it.  And I wanted to respond in a Christian way, since this sister is not a Christian.

It took me almost 5 months, but I was at the point where I could talk about it without getting all emotional and incoherent.  So I sent an email.  Probably should have made a phone call, but with an email I can be sure to put my thoughts down, reword them, change things around, and all without being interrupted.  So yes, I will often write things down in an email when I have to communicate something that is hard for me.  She responded, and then we decided to meet face to face.

I was surprised that she thought I hated her.  She was surprised that I was hurt by her response, as she thought I had different motivations than I did.  We explained to each other.  She didn’t apologize, but then I never expected her to, nor was it why I met with her.  We communicated.  We cleared the air.  We saw things from the other person’s perspective.  And I think it made a big difference in our relationship.  And, I was able to do all that in love and non-hateful way, which I believe was a good witness to her.

So I give glory to God that He was able to heal me and help me be a better person, and use an opportunity to witness my Christian walk to someone.

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Posted June 5, 2015 by Maureen in Christian, Memories

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