SOUL MATES   Leave a comment

If you are single, you have most likely heard the phrase “soul mate”.  Single matching sites mention it.  Your friends and family mention it.  You may have used the phrase yourself, talking about how all will be wonderful when you find your true soul mate.

How many people have you rejected, feeling they were not your soul mate?  Do you believe in one person being perfectly matched to one person, and that they should find each other and live the rest of their lives together??

I read an interesting article about soul mates, and it got me thinking.  Do I believe in soul mates?  Is my boyfriend my soul mate?

I remember being a little girl, 10 years old or so.  I wanted to get married, have kids, watch them grow up, and spend my life with my husband.  I never thought about divorce or being single for long.  My parents were committed to their marriage, despite their differences.  I wanted the same thing.

When I was old enough and started dating, I questioned my ideal of “one mate for every person” dream.  Was there really only one true match for each person?  No, I didn’t think so.  As I left my teens and got into my twenties, I grew and matured.  And the boys or young men I found attractive when I was 17 or 18…… no longer held the same attraction for me.  I realized I needed to be careful about whom I chose to spend a great deal of time with, and who I chose to open up to and share on many levels, including intimacy.

One of the things that broke apart my marriage was that I was expecting my husband to be my everything.  Entertainment, mentor, support, husband, friend, confidant, companion, lover.  And of course he failed.  No person could be expected to fulfill all those roles for one person.

The author of the blog I mentioned, Mary E. Graham, makes some striking statements.  Ideas that I have had and shared with friends for many years now.

“Soul mates aren’t real.…. is my husband, my best friend, my lover, my favorite person to talk to, my biggest cheerleader and my family.  But he does not complete me, fill me up or make my world.”

Exactly!  You don’t get married to have a perfect life.  How can you join two different, flawed, even messed up people, and expect perfection?  As one professor in college said (my paraphrase) “How can two dysfunctional people expect to have a functional relationship when they are married?”

Her blog goes on to talk about how she wants to share with her two little girls, when they are old enough to understand, that the only truly complete and fulfilling relationship we can have that meets all our needs and will always be wonderful and loving, is when we have a personal relationship with God.  And I agree with that – 100%!

My boyfriend is not my soul mate.  But he is my friend and cheerleader and a listening ear, a shoulder, and one of my most favorite people in the world.  Despite his flaws, and my flaws, we make a really good team together.

What about you?  Do you believe in soul mates?

Here is the link to the full blog article:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mary-e-graham/my-husband-is-not-my-soul-mate_b_5420557.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592

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Posted June 10, 2014 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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