FIGHTING   Leave a comment

My boyfriend said something on Saturday that really made me mad and upset.

I know him well enough that I knew he was totally unaware that what he had said had that effect on me.  He was talking about a subject and mentioned something as a side topic, totally unaware that his words made me angry.

When I get really angry about something, I almost never say anything at the time.  I get so emotional, so filled with recriminations and come backs and turmoil, that I become an inarticulate, stammering, jumble of conflicting emotional incoherency.

I have to process.  I am a processer.  I have to think about it, pray about it, let time go by so I can view it from a different perspective, calm down, and get my articulation back.

My boyfriend says what is on his mind, when it comes into his mind.  He does process and think – he doesn’t spew all the time.  But if I say or do something that upsets him or makes him mad, there is no time between when he feels those emotions and he is talking to me about it. 

We did talk about what had made me upset, but not until Sunday afternoon.  That was when I was ready to talk about it and, I was not surprised to hear, he did not remember the incident.  Which was OK with me.  We talked it out and that was all I wanted and needed. 

When I was younger I used to yell and get upset right at the moment something happened.  And after a long time (sometimes I am a slow learner (but I do learn)) I realized I was so emotional and inarticulate that I was not making my feelings clear.  So the person who was upsetting me often had no clear idea what I was upset about or what made me mad.

So I learned to hold it in and process it.  And as I got older I also sometimes found myself just dropping something that, when I was younger, I would have held onto and made a big deal out of. 

What about you?  Are you a processor, or do you get it out right away?

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Posted June 3, 2014 by Maureen in Uncategorized

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