Harsh With A Friend   Leave a comment

I had to be harsh with a friend recently.  I met my friend four years ago over the internet.  We had a phone, email, and text relationship for a couple of months, and met twice (we were an hour and a half away from each other).  He chose someone else he had met online, and we went our separate ways.  We reconnected a year later, but just as friends.

Recently he posted on Facebook that he was going to move out to the wilderness and live away from people until he died.  I asked him what was going on and it turned out he was having a pity party.

Did you ever have a pity party?  Where you felt sorry for yourself and recounted all the ways you had been done wrong and things were tough and nobody loves me, everybody hates me, think I’ll go eat worms?  No?  Is that just me that has those times?

Well, my friend was not only having a pity party, he was having a BIG party. Rented a ballroom, formal buffet, band, balloons, door prizes – the whole thing.  (I am speaking figuratively and sarcastically if you hadn’t caught that).  He once again was telling me about his bad childhood, how no one loved him, his wife divorced him because she was no good, the woman he loved the most in the world broke up with him and married someone else, he had no friends, etc. etc.

I have heard the same exact things from him before.  He does not exaggerate his past problems and difficulties.  I believe he really did have a difficult childhood, rocky marriage, and has had addiction problems most of his life.  He lost his job and is on disability and has back pain all the time.

He gave his heart to God a couple of years ago, but as a very proud man who has had to take care of himself since he was in his early teens, it has been hard for him to totally surrender and give up control of every part of his life.  So he has struggled with his faith.

Where I get impatient with him is that he keeps bringing up his troubles and difficulties.  Over and over and over and over and over.  He himself says he is in his 50’s and should be OVER this stuff by now, but he goes right down the pity trail every time.  I basically told him that I knew lots of people (truly I do) that have had as worse or much worse a time in their lives as him, and yet they chose to get past that and not let it hold them back.  I told him:

“It is not a contest.  My point is they chose to go on despite their past.  They chose to go past the pain and are used and are blessed by God.  You stay in the pity loop.  Being by yourself it is easy to have a pity party.  Anything else is too much work.”

Do you think that was too harsh?  I have been tough with him before and it has not affected our friendship.  I don’t really know, but he has continued to post pictures on Facebook and they are not negative or suicidal, so I know God is not finished with him yet.  I have to leave it in God’s hands and continue to pray for him.

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Posted July 10, 2013 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian

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