You HAVE it – USE it!   Leave a comment

Being a middle-aged single lady and a Christian, I have heard variations on the advice “how to get married”, or “how to meet the RIGHT man” a number of times.  Almost always it will be a Christian man or woman telling the story of how they met their husband or wife, and advocating that the way it happened for them is the RIGHT way, and/or the ONLY way. 

I don’t mind getting advice.  I like hearing what other people think, and I often see things in a different light or my mind is opened to things I hadn’t considered.  I do listen with much caution, however, when people try to tell me theirs is the RIGHT way or the ONLY way to find a husband.   I know someone who repeats on a regular basis, “Oh –I’ve had four kids…. I KNOW!”  or “Oh, trust me, I’ve had four kids, and I KNOW”.  The only thing that person KNOWS is her four kids.  She does not KNOW any other kids. 

Let me tell you the true story of two single people.  The first is a young man, in his early 30’s.  For personal, business, and family reasons he lives in a small town in the mid west and has all his life.  He has been a faithful church attender and participator for years.  He really, truly, wants to get married and share his life with a woman, and yet there is no one in his church or hometown whom he has connected with and felt that God was calling them together.  His family condemns him (literally) because he is in his 30’s and not married.  They steadfastly maintain that he has hidden sin in his life, that he isn’t living the life God wants for him, because he is not married.  Though they see him daily and it is a small town so everyone knows about everyone else, they still maintain he must be a sinner because he isn’t married by now.  He has been searching on Christian dating web sites, meeting online ladies around the country, trying to find a wife.

The second single person is a middle-aged lady. She is a good Christian who is part of a good church.  She attends regularly, teaches Sunday School, and participates in other groups and activities of the church.  She prays and reads her Bible regularly.  She lives in an area of the country that, while it is heavily populated, has few truly Christian single in her age bracket.  And, there is not one single man in her church that God has lead her to.  There are fine single men, just none that are close to her age that she is interested in.  She has been searching on Christian dating web sites, meeting men from around the country, trying to find a husband.  Her family finds her strange that she searches for a husband on the internet, and her friends think she is being reckless to do so.

One aspect of Christian advice for FINDING YOUR MATE goes something like this:  If you believe that Jesus is your savior, if you read your Bible regularly and pray, if you not only attend church but participate in the teaching and ministries of the church —- well then, just sit back and wait, ‘cause God is going to send your knight in shining armor or your beautiful princess to you.  Just wait!  It will happen!

Now of course I’m using a bit of hyperbole to describe that advice I have heard in various forms over the years.  But what I don’t understand about this advice is, where in the Bible does it say that as Christians we sit passively by and wait for God to bring us our mate?  Don’t get me wrong – I agree with everything in the previous paragraph about having Jesus as your savior, reading your Bible, praying, being a member of a church and participating in that church’s ministries.  I absolutely believe every Christian should do all those things.  The part I have a problem with is the sitting and waiting.  Reallly?

I don’t believe God created us to be passive.  I don’t believe God created us to not use our arms and legs, our minds and our mouths, our gifts and our talents.  God created us with all those things and more – He wants us to USE them.  Of course as Christians we need always to use what God has given us with prayer and asking God for wisdom and discernment.  We should not be flying off here and there, trying to “help” God, or thinking we know just what God wants us to do or be —- without praying about it, and asking God for His wisdom and discernment.  God wants us to use the things He created in us and made us to be, but He wants us to do that for His glory and praise, and in His wisdom.  That, my friends, in my opinion, is the ONLY RIGHT WAY.

So, what do you think?   What would you do if one of those people I talked about was you?

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Posted September 14, 2012 by Maureen in Being Single, Christian

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