Heartache to Stalker   Leave a comment

When does a heart-ache turn into stalking?  When does attempting to mend a broken relationship turn into unhealthy pursuit?

A friend had her fiance break up with her suddenly over a month ago.  She was floored and devastated.  She has been driving me crazy since with “But — I still LOOOVVVEEEE him!!!!!” and “Why??  Why did he do this?” and “What did I do WRONG?!?!?!”  I have tried to be supportive and compassionate and honest.  But since I’m not a person who spends a lot of time asking “WHY?!?” when bad things happen…. it has been a struggle not to slap her.

He got her kicked off the dating web site where they met by telling them she was a stalker (not true).  He changed all her passwords on her accounts (which she had given him since she has only a smart phone and not a computer.)  He has told everyone (well, about half a dozen) on said web site that she was a scammer who broke his heart.  He has already “found” someone else (though I suspect he is making it up).  He has called her names, brought up things they argued about months ago, accused her of cheating, and basically blamed her for every single little thing, as well as for “making” him feel this way or that way or the other way.

Through all of this I have had to listen to the “But – I still LOOOVVVEEEE him!!!!!” and other things.  This weekend she insisted on sending him an email, trying ONE_MORE_TIME to “get” him to talk about their relationship so it would all go back to the way it was.  He still has not responded to her.  Which of course makes her think he has closed that email account and never saw it in the first place and that is why he is not responding.

So I’m wondering: if she sends him a letter with the same things she said in the email — is that stalking?  Is that going too far? What is that line of going too far?  I know where I myself would draw the line at going too far.  Is the line different for each person and relationship?

We had a long talk this weekend and I pointed out inconsistencies (many) in his stories, as well as conflicting things she has told me about her feelings for him.  She told me later that she felt better and felt less of a heart-ache over the whole thing. 

The bottom line for me and any relationships (current and future) that I have:  Do not become so desperate and lonely that you say and/or do almost anything and everything to hold onto a gaunt, slow-talking southerner who was passive aggressive, a liar, insecure, that you weren’t attracted to, and had lots of red flags on even before the breakup.  No, not for me.  You have my permission to slap me if I ever do that.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: