Communication   1 comment

I’ve been thinking of communication lately.  Mostly, the lack thereof between people.  Any people:  Men and women.  Women and women.  Adults and children.  Adults and teens.  Bosses and subordinates.  Brothers.  Sisters.  Politicians and ….. the rest of us. 

I have a girlfriend who has had some communication problems with her boyfriend.  She sent me an email thread……. that showed they were both talking AT each other, not TO.  And neither was communicating.

Am I any better?  Hardly!  We recently had a “Living Single in a Married Worried” short seminar at our church.  The teaching was good but it wasn’t really directly specifically at singles.  What I liked about the speaker is he reminded me of the basic differences between men and women…. and their underlying motivations.

Women need to feel needed and safe and attractive and cared for.  All women feel this (I think I can safely say that for all women of the world) to some degree or another.  And it drives our communication.  It is the foundation of everything we say and how we think and feel. 

If we say, “You aren’t listening to me!” what we mean is that we are not feeling safe or needed or cared for.  No matter what else is going on — that’s what is going on.  I had an email “discussion” with my former boyfriend recently.  You could not call it an argument because that takes two people and he was already disengaging from our relationship.  What I told him after his curt response was what I was really wanting, which was not what we were “discussing”. 

There are all sorts of other reasons we say what we say and not mean what we really mean.  Our past colors everything in our world.  External pressures and peer pressure and fear are all reasons we mis-communicate with each other.  Our busy lives, mostly filled with cacophony, makes it hard to listen.

My biggest complaint about the whole communication thing is: people aren’t taught how to communciate.  Not really.  Have YOU ever gotten training on how best to communicate, and how to recognize body signals and tone of voice?  Everyone who gets a 2 or 4 year degree has to take a “Speech” class — where they don’t teach how to communicate!  (By the way, I loved that class, and the teacher was really cute!)  They really need to teach this stuff in High School.  Better yet – teach it in Junior High AND High School.  Communication 101 and 102. 

Heck, if my former Speech teacher taught it I’d pay for that class!

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Posted October 20, 2010 by Maureen in Being Single, Musings

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One response to “Communication

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  1. Stumbled upon this. But my single friends and I talk about this often… how to communicate well with one another. To add a man’s perspective, we often assume things are being (or will be) said straight forward. Our desire deep down inside is to protect and provide for. If we knew that “You’re not listening” was more than just a nagging neediness, then we would be more ready to actually listen. Too bad that we all hear things how WE would say them and not how the OTHER is saying them.

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