Thinkin’ about….. marriage   Leave a comment

The current relationship I am in is at a stand-still.  Due to a misunderstanding (with some cultural stuff thrown in) he has a wrong impression of my living situation and the kind of woman I am. 

Yesterday I came home from an OK day at work.  Lonely.  Wishing I had someone to greet me and to talk about my day with.  Same as it has been for, oh, 25+ years.  I was contacted yesterday by someone I had broken things off with in January.  I hadn’t heard from him in about 7 months and thought he was out of my life.  He wanted to pick up where we left off.

See, the thing is, despite everything else, he was the only man I have met in the past three years that ever spent time with me.  Yes, it was online (he lives across the States).  But it was steady. He and I got to know each other pretty well, at least as far as what we told ourselves.  I told the truth about myself, but I had no way of knowing if what he said was true.  We would also send text messages and talked on the phone a few times.  When we talked he would ask about my family and my day and my hopes and dreams.  He was there every day, and on the weekends.

Which is what my woman’s heart wants.  I want someone who is interested in me.  Who knows me.  Who tries to understand me.  Who spends time with me.  Not every waking moment — heavens; spare me!  I couldn’t stand that after being single for so long.  No, I don’t mean joined-at-the-hip kind of spending time with.

Why is it my ‘stalker’ is the only one who seems to be truly interested in me?  Oh – don’t worry.  I am not going there again.  Nope.  Been there, done that, had the relationship, got the scars, not interested in doing it again.

But the man I am presently….. dating?  Hmmm. No.  He lives in another state.  In a relationship with?  No.  You have to actually communicate and see each other once in a while for that to happen.  My present man has said he wants marriage and has led me to believe (without explicitly expressing it) that it is me he would like to be married to.  And yet he has spent less time with me (despite many many many phone calls and a weekend spent in his City) in the four months we’ve known each other than this other guy, who I never actually met in person. 

I never would have believed it if someone had told me that it would be so hard to find someone who likes me as much as I like him.  Who wants to be my husband as much as I want to be his wife.  I know we need to be careful what we wish for — but I do wish I was married.

Posted October 13, 2010 by Maureen in Being Single

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