Fall   Leave a comment

Fall is here.  You can feel it in the air.  Even when it is sunny and warm out, you can feel that…. cool tang.  Like living next to the ocean as I do, there is always a salt tang.  Sometimes strong, depending on how strong the wind is.  But Fall is here and there is a cool frosting on everything.  Sun shine.  Wind.  Walking.  Driving.  Morning, afternoon, and evening.  The cool frosting will deepen and not let go once winter is here. 

Though, “winter” in the northern San Francisco peninsula area is a season held loosely.  I lived in Washington State for 32 years, and we had WINTER up there.  It snowed.  Storms. Ice.  You know – WINTER.  “Winter” here where I live in California means cooler temperatures.  All the natives whimper when it gets below 55 degrees.  I have only been back here two years so I have not acclimated to being a native.

But I was talking about Fall, wasn’t I?  I miss seeing leaves turn color – we don’t get many trees that do that in California.  And the trees don’t lose their leaves until the end of December here.  In Washington almost all the trees were bare by Thanksgiving.  With Fall comes the tang and coolness.  Pumpkins and…… mmmmmmm….. pumpkin pie.  Yum! 

Fall also brings memories of my brother who died in November 2006.  And there is, inevitably, Christmas.  Since my son was killed I have woken up crying on Christmas morning every year.  It sucks.  I have to struggle to bravely put a smiling face to the world, while inside I whimper and cry all day.  One year I spent the whole day of Christmas in my bathrobe, pajamas, and slippers.  I read books the whole entire day, quietly by myself, with my cat next to me.  I cried when I wanted to.  Ate and drank when I wanted.  It was so wonderful. 

But…. as I have found and no doubt others know also…. these things pass.  Life goes on.  I continue to breathe in and out and go from day to day.  And today, I’m going to enjoy the Fall time.  The cool frosting on the warm sunshine and the sparkly ocean lapping against the shore.  And the memories will come, bittersweet, but at least I will know they will pass.

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Posted October 9, 2010 by Maureen in Musings

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